Honeymoon
Planning a Honeymoon is the best part of the wedding. Some people spend less on the wedding and more toward the honeymoon, because that’s where the newly wed enjoy it and remember it.
You want to make a Honeymoon Romantic & Exciting.
First you would need to sit down and decided where you want to go? And how you want to spend?
You should always sit together and decide as it creates more romance and love.
1) You have few choices! - Resort, Cruise or Honeymoon Destination.
Each has their own advantage. But the one that has the highest is a cruise. That because it gives you flexibility and various destinations.
A Resort or a Honeymoon destination would just give you one place; where as a cruise visits different places. So you can explore new places and at the same time enjoy all the benefits of a Resort. A cruise honeymoon can last from 7 nights to 21 nights, depending on the package you pick and how many days you can take off from work and of course your wallet.
2) Places to Visit.
European Cruises - Romantic
Italy, France, London, Spain & Barcelona
Atlantic Cruises - Romantic with a spice of excitement
Hawaii, Aruba, Barbados, Caribbean’s & Key Islands.
3) Adding Spice to Your Honeymoon.
Candle Light Dinner
Roses on the Bed
Do things for each other
More Coming Soon!
4) What if you are working and cannot take a full honeymoon?
It best to discuss that between yourselves and find the best option. You may want to take a shorter one
follow by a longer one later.
Sunday, 27 February 2011
Wedding List
Wedding List
Weddings are special and auspicious occasions. Each one of us wants to have a wedding that will be remembered for years to come. However, this is only possible if all the preparations for the wedding are perfect. There is a huge amount of planning needed in order to achieve this. Right from choosing a venue for the wedding to inviting guests; there is a lot that goes into a wedding. It does not matter what type of wedding you have decided to have; it what you want to make it as. Below is a list that you can customize to your needs.
Wedding planning is traditionally done by the Bride side. Brides are very particular where as Grooms generally prefer simple!
Leave it to the Bride Leave It To The Groom
Wedding Hall DJ's
Engagement Photographers
Sangeet Videographers
Beautician Grooms Wedding Dress
Pandit Grooms Engagement Dress
Invitation Cards Grooms Reception Dress
Wedding Garlands Limo for Reception
Florist Groom Guest List
Decorations Manglesutra
Wedding Cake Engagement Ring
Engagement Ring Reception Hall
Reception Night Hotel
Bride Wedding Dress
Bride Engagement Dress
Bride Reception Dress
Bride Guest List
Weddings are special and auspicious occasions. Each one of us wants to have a wedding that will be remembered for years to come. However, this is only possible if all the preparations for the wedding are perfect. There is a huge amount of planning needed in order to achieve this. Right from choosing a venue for the wedding to inviting guests; there is a lot that goes into a wedding. It does not matter what type of wedding you have decided to have; it what you want to make it as. Below is a list that you can customize to your needs.
Wedding planning is traditionally done by the Bride side. Brides are very particular where as Grooms generally prefer simple!
Leave it to the Bride Leave It To The Groom
Wedding Hall DJ's
Engagement Photographers
Sangeet Videographers
Beautician Grooms Wedding Dress
Pandit Grooms Engagement Dress
Invitation Cards Grooms Reception Dress
Wedding Garlands Limo for Reception
Florist Groom Guest List
Decorations Manglesutra
Wedding Cake Engagement Ring
Engagement Ring Reception Hall
Reception Night Hotel
Bride Wedding Dress
Bride Engagement Dress
Bride Reception Dress
Bride Guest List
10 Tips for Marriage After Divorce
In a marriage after divorce, one or both partners may bring painful past experiences into the relationship. Here are 10 tips to make remarriage successful.
After a family divorce, people may be more cautious about relationships and remarriage – making second marriages a bit more difficult to enjoy freely. "When you've been hurt, it's hard to let yourself be vulnerable again," say the authors of Making Marriage Work for Dummies.
Chances of marriage after divorce
If you're a divorced woman with small children, your chances of marriage after divorce are small compared to divorced women without kids, divorced men, and never-married people. "Divorcees in particular would rather not live with a partner, whereas people who have only cohabitated in the past still want that. Previous divorce experiences affect the preferences of women more profoundly than those of men," cites Science Daily in the article "Divorce Reduces Chances of New, Successful Relationship."
But marriage after divorce not only happens, it can be wildly successful!
10 tips for marriage after divorce
Settle your first marriage. In addition to the financial, social, and geographical considerations, make sure you're emotionally ready to be in a new relationship.
Understand your mistakes. Figure out your weaknesses and mistakes in your first marriage, and make sure you don't repeat them in your second marriage.
Get to know your partner. Take this second marriage as an opportunity to really get to know your new lover on a deeper level.
Let yourself be known. Be vulnerable, open and honest about your fears and hopes. Share yourself without fear of failure or getting hurt.
Go to premarital counseling. Seek an objective counseling session(s) to lay the foundation for a strong remarriage.
Start fresh. Build your marriage after divorce in a new house or neighborhood – move away from a small town or community. Don't let old ghosts haunt your remarriage.
Develop new routines. Get out of your first marriage rut by developing new habits and traditions to make your remarriage successful.
Practice flexibility. If you've been divorced or single a long time, you may have your own set routines. Be open to change and compromise, and making adjustments in your remarriage.
Deal with money issues. Many remarriages are difficult because of child support payments, alimony, etc. If money issues are problematic, get a divorce mediator or financial consultant to help settle financial issues fairly.
Leave the negativity behind. Focus on a successful remarriage without being dragged down with thoughts of failure or divorce a second time.
After a family divorce, people may be more cautious about relationships and remarriage – making second marriages a bit more difficult to enjoy freely. "When you've been hurt, it's hard to let yourself be vulnerable again," say the authors of Making Marriage Work for Dummies.
Chances of marriage after divorce
If you're a divorced woman with small children, your chances of marriage after divorce are small compared to divorced women without kids, divorced men, and never-married people. "Divorcees in particular would rather not live with a partner, whereas people who have only cohabitated in the past still want that. Previous divorce experiences affect the preferences of women more profoundly than those of men," cites Science Daily in the article "Divorce Reduces Chances of New, Successful Relationship."
But marriage after divorce not only happens, it can be wildly successful!
10 tips for marriage after divorce
Settle your first marriage. In addition to the financial, social, and geographical considerations, make sure you're emotionally ready to be in a new relationship.
Understand your mistakes. Figure out your weaknesses and mistakes in your first marriage, and make sure you don't repeat them in your second marriage.
Get to know your partner. Take this second marriage as an opportunity to really get to know your new lover on a deeper level.
Let yourself be known. Be vulnerable, open and honest about your fears and hopes. Share yourself without fear of failure or getting hurt.
Go to premarital counseling. Seek an objective counseling session(s) to lay the foundation for a strong remarriage.
Start fresh. Build your marriage after divorce in a new house or neighborhood – move away from a small town or community. Don't let old ghosts haunt your remarriage.
Develop new routines. Get out of your first marriage rut by developing new habits and traditions to make your remarriage successful.
Practice flexibility. If you've been divorced or single a long time, you may have your own set routines. Be open to change and compromise, and making adjustments in your remarriage.
Deal with money issues. Many remarriages are difficult because of child support payments, alimony, etc. If money issues are problematic, get a divorce mediator or financial consultant to help settle financial issues fairly.
Leave the negativity behind. Focus on a successful remarriage without being dragged down with thoughts of failure or divorce a second time.
The Importance of Keeping Your Connection in Your Second Marriage
A second (or third or fourth) marriage can happen anytime in your life and it's what you do to keep that marriage alive that determines whether it lasts or not. One of the secrets to creating a great second marriage is to keep your connection strong and alive. Here's a great story about one of our friends that illustrates this point...
When we saw our friend Elizabeth, she was absolutely glowing! Not only was she glowing, but she was excited about her life in a way we've never seen. Elizabeth, who is in her middle to late sixties, has reconnected with a man who she went on a double date with fifty years ago and they are getting married soon--a second marriage for both of them.
As she told and showed us how happy she was, we couldn't help but think about the power of connection and how important it is in marriage. In Kenny and Julia Loggins' book "The Unimaginable Life," Kenny said, "We all long for love. Everything else is just killing time." The same thing could be said about the importance of feeling connected in our lives.
Connection is different for every single person and different for every relationship--but when it's happening you know it.
Connection is especially important in second marriages. More than likely, your first marriage dissolved because your connection had disappeared You had either grown apart or had become so angry at each other that you could no longer live together.
In any case, connection is usually what disappeared first--and it probably happened in various ways.
When you talk about connection, you have to talk about what it means to both people.
The differences between how one person wants to connect compared to how another person connects can be a real problem in any type of relationship, especially marriages. One person might want to talk about their day when they come home with the person they are living with and the other person wants some space and doesn't want to talk.
Resentments can build and even though the two people might love or care deeply about one another, there's very little connection because of the walls they've built between them. If you'd like to connect more in your second marriage, here are a few ideas to help you do that...
1. Open yourself to connecting.
Don't shut yourself off physically or emotionally from people or situations. It's pretty easy to bury yourself in television, the internet or just plain busyness as a way to distract yourself and keep you separate from those you love. Opening yourself to connection might be something as simple as stopping your "doing" and looking directly into the eyes of someone you love when you are talking with them.
2. Don't make assumptions about what you think people are thinking, saying or doing. If in doubt, ask from a place of genuinely wanting to find out more rather than judging.
3. Adopt an attitude that fosters connection.
Attitudes that stop connection are--
"I'm right. You're wrong"
"I'm better (smarter, prettier) than you"
"If you'd only do it this way, everything would be fine"
Attitudes that create connection are--
"What can I learn from you?"
"You're important to me."
"My way is not the only way. Tell me your ideas."
4. Search for common interests that excite you.
Focus on the "overlap" between the two of you--
where you have points of similarities rather than
focusing on how very different you are.
5. Talk about how you would like to connect. Don't
leave it up to chance and hope that it all works
out.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that connection
always happens by accident and that it's unimportant--even in your second marriage.
Connection requires both of you to be active participants in the process. You can't sit around and hope that you find a connection with each other. You have to make it.
When we saw our friend Elizabeth, she was absolutely glowing! Not only was she glowing, but she was excited about her life in a way we've never seen. Elizabeth, who is in her middle to late sixties, has reconnected with a man who she went on a double date with fifty years ago and they are getting married soon--a second marriage for both of them.
As she told and showed us how happy she was, we couldn't help but think about the power of connection and how important it is in marriage. In Kenny and Julia Loggins' book "The Unimaginable Life," Kenny said, "We all long for love. Everything else is just killing time." The same thing could be said about the importance of feeling connected in our lives.
Connection is different for every single person and different for every relationship--but when it's happening you know it.
Connection is especially important in second marriages. More than likely, your first marriage dissolved because your connection had disappeared You had either grown apart or had become so angry at each other that you could no longer live together.
In any case, connection is usually what disappeared first--and it probably happened in various ways.
When you talk about connection, you have to talk about what it means to both people.
The differences between how one person wants to connect compared to how another person connects can be a real problem in any type of relationship, especially marriages. One person might want to talk about their day when they come home with the person they are living with and the other person wants some space and doesn't want to talk.
Resentments can build and even though the two people might love or care deeply about one another, there's very little connection because of the walls they've built between them. If you'd like to connect more in your second marriage, here are a few ideas to help you do that...
1. Open yourself to connecting.
Don't shut yourself off physically or emotionally from people or situations. It's pretty easy to bury yourself in television, the internet or just plain busyness as a way to distract yourself and keep you separate from those you love. Opening yourself to connection might be something as simple as stopping your "doing" and looking directly into the eyes of someone you love when you are talking with them.
2. Don't make assumptions about what you think people are thinking, saying or doing. If in doubt, ask from a place of genuinely wanting to find out more rather than judging.
3. Adopt an attitude that fosters connection.
Attitudes that stop connection are--
"I'm right. You're wrong"
"I'm better (smarter, prettier) than you"
"If you'd only do it this way, everything would be fine"
Attitudes that create connection are--
"What can I learn from you?"
"You're important to me."
"My way is not the only way. Tell me your ideas."
4. Search for common interests that excite you.
Focus on the "overlap" between the two of you--
where you have points of similarities rather than
focusing on how very different you are.
5. Talk about how you would like to connect. Don't
leave it up to chance and hope that it all works
out.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that connection
always happens by accident and that it's unimportant--even in your second marriage.
Connection requires both of you to be active participants in the process. You can't sit around and hope that you find a connection with each other. You have to make it.
Thursday, 24 February 2011
Stranger Around Muslims and Non-Muslims!
Stranger Around Muslims and Non-Muslims!
(The experiences of a Muslim youth, by an anonymous 16 year old Muslim, Texas)
‹Islam began as something strange and it will return to being strange as it began. So Toobaa (glad tidings) to the strangers.› —Prophet Muhammad (S) [Muslim]
I never felt like a stranger when I was in Kindergarten — I guess I was too young to understand. It wasn't until first grade that I remember feeling different. While my classmates were at Music Class, I stayed behind in our classroom. I sat at my desk watching my teacher grade papers, wondering why I wasn't with the rest. Sure, I understood music was haraam…but why was *I* the one who had to be different from everyone else? I asked myself the infamous question over and over. Why ME?
A month later, I dejectedly watched all my friends and classmates march proudly around the room -- and then the whole school — in their pumpkin, cats, witches, and ghosts costumes, hating the fact that I was the one who had to be Muslim -- and different. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentines, and Easter were no different. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, it was the same.
At home and after school, with the few Muslim friends I had in that remote Iowan town, the feeling would be gone and I would think to myself that being Muslim was the greatest thing in the world. Didn't my father just tell me the story of Ibrahim (AS) last night? The one who, at first, was all alone with his Islam? Yet he knew he had Allah. And what about the stories of strong, wise Umar, kind, gentle, truthful Abu Bakr, Allah-fearing, brave Bilal? With them, who needed Santa Clause, St.Valentines, and the Easter bunny-rabbit? They have Thanksgiving to thank God with — we have all year. But once in the classroom, surrounded by my friends and fellow students as they chattered excitedly about what they got for Christmas or where they were going for Easter, the beautiful stories and thoughts were gone, replaced with bitter resentment of my religion.
By fifth grade, things were somewhat better. I was a little older, understood a bit more, but the feeling was always there, especially powerful when I would hand slumber or birthday party invitations back to the owner and tell them politely that I was busy at so and so date. Or when, occasionally in the late spring, classmates would wonder aloud why I never wore shorts or mini skirts.
Up until around fourth grade, my friends were mostly boys. I learned early on that unless you fit in completely, it was hard to become close to most of the girls. They always formed cliques and, especially in the early years, "special clubs". With the boys, it wasn't the same. I secretly thought that usually the girls were awfully dull — boys were always much more exciting. But by the time they were 9 and 10, the boys were starting to form interest in the girls and vise versa. So from then on I was fully an outsider. I fit in with neither group.
I began wearing the scarf that year, but al-hamdulillah, all praise to Allah, it was one of the few things I was extremely honored about doing. I had gone to that same school since first grade so everyone knew me, and it came as no big surprise, seeing my mom come and go with the full hijaab, that I too, would wear it someday. It made it even easier that I never was into clothes, hair or personal appearance, as most of the girls were at that early age of 10 and 11.
During the summer before sixth grade, we moved to another state and my parents decided to home school me, the educational level in the schools at the state not being very high. Al-hamdullilah because it was one of the best choices they ever made. It gave me a full year to learn about myself and why I am here on earth in the first place. I had a lot more awareness and confidence in my religion and myself by the seventh grade, when my father's job forced us to move yet again to another town and I was put back into the public school. This time I was placed in a predominantly African-American school (it had a language-teaching program, Arabic being one of the languages taught), completely opposite from the all-white school I had gone to all my life. Al-hamdulillah, the change was for the better -- they were a lot more accepting of minorities and differences in that school. That wasn't the only "change-for-the-better". This time the issue wasn't the hating of being different. Now, there was a change in me. I hated the way my classmates acted, the things they talked about, the way they dressed. The bottom line was that I hated being with the kufaar. Finally, I loved being different.
That year was the last year I went to public school. My parents decided to home school me from then on, at last fully realizing the effect of public school. "I don't have to be The Stranger anymore!" I remember excitedly writing in my journal in the beginning of eighth grade. Little did I know.
The next year we moved to a city with a large Muslim community. I was really excited, thinking that now, at long last, I would fit in, be where I belonged. I felt like it was a dream come true. And it was…but only partly, if not less.
Every now and then, while I'm talking with another Muslim about how music is forbidden, or why we shouldn't go to the movie theater, or why it's better to wear jilbaab and not just a long skirt and shirt, or why we have to follow the Prophet (S)'s sunnah and not just the Qur'an, I get this sudden pang of, "I'm so different, so strange! WHY?" Sometimes when I'm sitting with a group of Muslim girls around my age, talking, maybe laughing and joking, when the conversation somehow turns to Will Smith or Madonna or the latest make-up tip in Seventeen, a sudden chill goes through my body and I feel as though they're, the lot of them, one thing and I am another. "I'm among Muslims now but I'm still an outsider," I think as I watch them.
But it's not like the years before when I would dislike who I was because I was different. Because now I smile and find strength in remembering the words of Allah's Messenger (S), ‹Glad tidings are for the strangers.›
Note:
All praise is due to Allah Who guided this sister to the safety of His religion. How few stories there are like hers! Let no Muslim parent think that his child "will be fine" living and growing up in the West. Most children (the sister above is a rare exception) who go through the school systems in America or Europe are unable to withstand the corrupting influences of "peer pressure" and an unislaamic education. We ask Allaah to make it easy for us to raise our children in supportive, positive Muslim environments, as He says in the Qur'aan (translated): «Oh you who believe, save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones….» (At-Tahreem)
(The experiences of a Muslim youth, by an anonymous 16 year old Muslim, Texas)
‹Islam began as something strange and it will return to being strange as it began. So Toobaa (glad tidings) to the strangers.› —Prophet Muhammad (S) [Muslim]
I never felt like a stranger when I was in Kindergarten — I guess I was too young to understand. It wasn't until first grade that I remember feeling different. While my classmates were at Music Class, I stayed behind in our classroom. I sat at my desk watching my teacher grade papers, wondering why I wasn't with the rest. Sure, I understood music was haraam…but why was *I* the one who had to be different from everyone else? I asked myself the infamous question over and over. Why ME?
A month later, I dejectedly watched all my friends and classmates march proudly around the room -- and then the whole school — in their pumpkin, cats, witches, and ghosts costumes, hating the fact that I was the one who had to be Muslim -- and different. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentines, and Easter were no different. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, it was the same.
At home and after school, with the few Muslim friends I had in that remote Iowan town, the feeling would be gone and I would think to myself that being Muslim was the greatest thing in the world. Didn't my father just tell me the story of Ibrahim (AS) last night? The one who, at first, was all alone with his Islam? Yet he knew he had Allah. And what about the stories of strong, wise Umar, kind, gentle, truthful Abu Bakr, Allah-fearing, brave Bilal? With them, who needed Santa Clause, St.Valentines, and the Easter bunny-rabbit? They have Thanksgiving to thank God with — we have all year. But once in the classroom, surrounded by my friends and fellow students as they chattered excitedly about what they got for Christmas or where they were going for Easter, the beautiful stories and thoughts were gone, replaced with bitter resentment of my religion.
By fifth grade, things were somewhat better. I was a little older, understood a bit more, but the feeling was always there, especially powerful when I would hand slumber or birthday party invitations back to the owner and tell them politely that I was busy at so and so date. Or when, occasionally in the late spring, classmates would wonder aloud why I never wore shorts or mini skirts.
Up until around fourth grade, my friends were mostly boys. I learned early on that unless you fit in completely, it was hard to become close to most of the girls. They always formed cliques and, especially in the early years, "special clubs". With the boys, it wasn't the same. I secretly thought that usually the girls were awfully dull — boys were always much more exciting. But by the time they were 9 and 10, the boys were starting to form interest in the girls and vise versa. So from then on I was fully an outsider. I fit in with neither group.
I began wearing the scarf that year, but al-hamdulillah, all praise to Allah, it was one of the few things I was extremely honored about doing. I had gone to that same school since first grade so everyone knew me, and it came as no big surprise, seeing my mom come and go with the full hijaab, that I too, would wear it someday. It made it even easier that I never was into clothes, hair or personal appearance, as most of the girls were at that early age of 10 and 11.
During the summer before sixth grade, we moved to another state and my parents decided to home school me, the educational level in the schools at the state not being very high. Al-hamdullilah because it was one of the best choices they ever made. It gave me a full year to learn about myself and why I am here on earth in the first place. I had a lot more awareness and confidence in my religion and myself by the seventh grade, when my father's job forced us to move yet again to another town and I was put back into the public school. This time I was placed in a predominantly African-American school (it had a language-teaching program, Arabic being one of the languages taught), completely opposite from the all-white school I had gone to all my life. Al-hamdulillah, the change was for the better -- they were a lot more accepting of minorities and differences in that school. That wasn't the only "change-for-the-better". This time the issue wasn't the hating of being different. Now, there was a change in me. I hated the way my classmates acted, the things they talked about, the way they dressed. The bottom line was that I hated being with the kufaar. Finally, I loved being different.
That year was the last year I went to public school. My parents decided to home school me from then on, at last fully realizing the effect of public school. "I don't have to be The Stranger anymore!" I remember excitedly writing in my journal in the beginning of eighth grade. Little did I know.
The next year we moved to a city with a large Muslim community. I was really excited, thinking that now, at long last, I would fit in, be where I belonged. I felt like it was a dream come true. And it was…but only partly, if not less.
Every now and then, while I'm talking with another Muslim about how music is forbidden, or why we shouldn't go to the movie theater, or why it's better to wear jilbaab and not just a long skirt and shirt, or why we have to follow the Prophet (S)'s sunnah and not just the Qur'an, I get this sudden pang of, "I'm so different, so strange! WHY?" Sometimes when I'm sitting with a group of Muslim girls around my age, talking, maybe laughing and joking, when the conversation somehow turns to Will Smith or Madonna or the latest make-up tip in Seventeen, a sudden chill goes through my body and I feel as though they're, the lot of them, one thing and I am another. "I'm among Muslims now but I'm still an outsider," I think as I watch them.
But it's not like the years before when I would dislike who I was because I was different. Because now I smile and find strength in remembering the words of Allah's Messenger (S), ‹Glad tidings are for the strangers.›
Note:
All praise is due to Allah Who guided this sister to the safety of His religion. How few stories there are like hers! Let no Muslim parent think that his child "will be fine" living and growing up in the West. Most children (the sister above is a rare exception) who go through the school systems in America or Europe are unable to withstand the corrupting influences of "peer pressure" and an unislaamic education. We ask Allaah to make it easy for us to raise our children in supportive, positive Muslim environments, as He says in the Qur'aan (translated): «Oh you who believe, save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones….» (At-Tahreem)
Youth is Strength
Youth is Strength
By Ashur Shamis
The following is a classic article which was first published in The Muslim magazine in July 1978. It has not lost its relevance or importance.
Societies in all human cultures give a great deal of attention and importance to their young. Enormous sums of money and resources are spent and allocated by governments, state institutions and other bodies for the training, education and preparation of the youth in order to absorb and channel their great energies and potential. For the old have always known and assumed that no matter how great or high the efforts and material resources devoted to the training of the young, the investment is worthwhile and always pays off well in the end.
The old also realise that the young are their link with the future and their best assurance that the ideals and the principles they advanced and established, and the achievements and results they brought about, would be upheld, preserved and developed.
It is a fact of life that the time of youth is universally considered to be the time during which a person's physical, mental, intellectual and moral faculties and potential attain their optimum level of development and application. It is the time when the mind shows its inventive and imaginative capabilities in the best form. A twentieth century Muslim writer, Mustafa al-Rafi'ee, describes the time of youth saying..
"Youth is strength, for the sun does not brighten the afternoon as much is it does the morning. In youth there is a kind of life with which death seems to sound like sleep; and during its youth a tree brings forth its fruit, while after that all trees give nothing but wood".
It is also the period of one's life during which one's ability for perception, understanding and absorption of concepts, ideas, thought and knowledge is at its best. This is the reason that makes youth the prime target of all ideological, political and cultural forces and state machinery aiming at the advancement of certain patterns of social organisation or particular systems of mass control and domination.
This potential that lies in the young generation, and the power it represents in social and political terms make the youth of any society the most valuable asset it could possibly possess, and the number one factor that could influence its progress and future. This applies just as equally to Muslim societies as it does in others.
Islam's View of Youth
Islam, as embodied in the Qur'an and the teachings and life of the Prophet Muhammad, Allah's peace and blessings be upon him, appreciate and emphasise the value and importance of young people, and the following discussion will hopefully illustrate this appreciation and concern very clearly.
The Qur'an says:
"Allah is He who created you of weakness, then He appointed after weakness strength, then after strength He appointed weakness and grey hair. , . ." (Al- Qur'an 30:54).
This is taken to be the most succinct and direct reference to the three main phases of a person's life; childhood, during which one is weak, dependent and helpless; youth, during which one is fully developed, free to act and think and full of strength, vitality and energy; and old age, when a person reverts to being helpless and depending on others-into a state of complete weakness with the faculties dwindling and the energy fading away and vitality receding and failing rapidly. The Prophet, Allah's peace and blessings be upon him, was known to frequently seek Allah's refuge from amongst other things, old age.
The Prophet is also reported to have advised the Muslims to
"make use of your youth be- fore your old age . . .",
and to have mentioned seven people whom Allah will, on the Day of Judgement, protect under His "shade" including
". . . a young man who grew up in devotion to Allah. . . ."
We also find that the Qur'an and the Prophet indicate that all through the history of Allah's message to man, from the time of Adam to that of Muhammad, it was the youth who played the major and decisive role in upholding the word and the Shari'ah of Allah.
The Qur'an related that when Prophet lbrahim challenged the non-believers of his time and destroyed their idol-gods, he was a young man, probably in his twenties. Both the muffasireen lbn Kathir and Sayyid Qutb take this view. Ibn Kathir relates that the great authority on tafseer, the Sahabi Abdullah lbn Abbas said:
"Allah appointed no prophet but he was a young man, and no aalim has acquired his knowledge except during his youth."
Prophet Yusuf, peace be upon him, is also said to have been appointed a minister by the ruler of Egypt, to take charge of the country's financial affairs during a hard period of a severe famine when he was thirty, according to lbn Kathir. Prophet Yahya, the Qur'an says, was given "the wisdom while a young boy." (Al-Qur'an 19:12).
And the same applies to several other prophets and messengers, Allah's peace be upon them all. The Qur'an also relates the story of Ahl al- Kahf, the Sleepers, who ran away from their families and their people in order to be able to practice their belief in the One God, and keep their devotion to Him and protect themselves from the evils of a Kafir society. Allah took care of them by directing them to the Cave and sending them to rest, sleeping for three hundred and nine years. This group, the Qur'an describes as "fityatun", who believed in "their Lord" and Allah "gave them more guidance".
The Arabic word fityatun is a synonym of the word shabab which means youth or young people. Ibn Kathir comments that young people are far more responsive to the truth and more apt to heed the call than the old ones who had gone too far astray and were accustomed to non-belief. Thus, he continues, the majority of the Prophet's followers were young people, while the old and elderly of Quraish in the main had clung to their age-old beliefs and retained their religious customs and traditions with the result that only very few of them embraced Islam willingly.
Experience and study show that there is a maximum level of human activity and vitality during one's lifetime, after which a person continues to live and draw from the achievements, knowledge and experience of his youth, and very little that is original and new can be Incorporated into his aptitudes and skills; one merely develops and improves on those youth-acquired skills. This is a rule that can of course have exceptions, but there is all the evidence to make it stand good.
This period of optimum ability in one's life is referred to in the Qur'an as bulugh al-ashudd, reaching full age, and is said to fall between the ages of thirty and forty years (Al-Qur'an :15) and is considered the age at which a person reaches full maturity and becomes qualified to assume and receive the highest and most demanding duties and responsibilities; a number of Prophets were appointed to prophethood on reaching their ashudd (7:22; 28:14), including the Prophet Muhammad himself, the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, who was called to Prophethood at the age of forty.
Ibn Kathir's statement that it was mostly the youth who responded to the call of Islam at the early days during its early days is supported by the hadith which reported the Prophet's saying:
"I have been sent with the pure and natural religion, to the youth (who) had backed me while the old had opposed me",
as well as by the brilliant examples of the large groups of young people who followed Islam and carried it to all corners of the world.
Youth During Early Islam
It is an often forgotten or overlooked fact that Islam was almost from the start influenced by and identified with youth. lbn Ishaq mentions that the first male to believe the Prophet and give him support and believe in Islam was a ten-year-old boy named Ali ibn Abi Talib. Almost all of the first followers of the prophet were below the age of forty and included individuals like Az-Zubair ibn al-Aawwam who became a Muslim at the age of sixteen (his uncle used to punish him for that by wrapping him in straw mats and hanging him up and blowing smoke at him in an attempt to dissuade him from accepting ]slam, but he used to reply that he would never go back to Kufr again) and Abu 'Ubaidah Ibn al-Jarrah became Muslim at seventeen, and several others.
The leaders of Quraish used to appeal to Abu Bakr not to recite the Qur'an in front of his house in case he tempted "our young men" to becoming interested in Islam. They knew the value of their young, and realised the fact that young people are always prone to change and liable to be influenced by new ideas, and are easily attracted by such powerful and overpowering forces as that of the simple but penetrating logic and beauty of the Qur'an.
Throughout the Makkan period it was men in their youth who upheld Islam and carried it fully in face of all the odds, while the elder members of society resisted its spread and progress and posed an ever growing threat to its followers. At Madina also it was young people who were first responding to the Prophet's search for support and adherents.
The Prophet used to take young people above the age of fifteen to battle with the army. At the battle of Badr he turned back some young men under fifteen and they were very disappointed; one of them, 'Umair ibn Abi Waqqas, started to cry and the Prophet felt sorry for him and allowed him to join the army. He went to battle, fought and was martyred,
It is also known that the Prophet assigned a number of key positions and responsibilities to young people. When the Thaqeef tribe accepted Islam he put 'Uthman lbn Abi Abbass in charge of them although he was the youngest of them, because Abu Bakr had told him that the boy was the keenest one of them all to understand Islam and the Qur'an.
When the first delegation from Madina accepted Islam the Prophet sent back with them a young man by the name of Mus'aab lbn 'Umair to teach them the Qur'an and Islam. Among those whom he used to consult was 'Usama lbn Zaid, who was about twenty-one when the Prophet died. 'Aysha related that during the very trying episode when the Prophet's household was slandered, the Prophet consulted Ali and 'Usama on what course of action to take. This in itself is an indication of the respect and value the Prophet attached to young people and their views.
He, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, appointed a young man of twenty-one, 'Itab lbn Usayd, a governor of Makka when it was conquered and he became the first Imam to lead the prayer there. He left Muaath as a teacher and religious instructor to the people of Makka when he was only twenty years old.
Shaykh Al-Kandahlawi in his book, "Lives of the Sahaba", relates that the Prophet used to have twenty young men from the Ansar with him at all times, whom he would send to various missions and for various purposes to attend to his affairs.
The young man 'Usama referred to earlier was to play an even more decisive role in the history of early Islam. The Prophet during his later days was preparing an army, the biggest Madina had even seen, including such senior Sahaba as Abu Bakr and 'Umar, with 'Usama, not twenty-one then, as its head. The Prophet, however, passed away before the army could leave Madina and proceed to face the Roman empire. Abu Bakr, his successor, went ahead with the plans to send the army keeping 'Usama in charge of it. Some older Sahaba expressed a certain amount of dissatisfaction at 'Usama's choice as the leader of a 3,000 strong army, but the Prophet asserted that "Usama was well up to the task", and he was proved right.
Amongst women also, the youth played important roles in the building of the Muslim Ummah. Asma, daughter of Abu Bakr, played one of the most vital and daring roles in the history of Islam during the uncertain and dangerous episode of the Hijrah, the Prophet's escape from Makka and immigration to Madina. Her sister, Aysha, who was also a wife of the Prophet, emerged as an authority on Islam during the time of the Khilafah.
She was only about twenty years old when the Prophet died, but by the time of 'Umar and 'Uthman she had been established and recognised as an authority on Sunnah and a remarkable jurist in her own right.
Ibn Abbas was also very young when he emerged as a unique and impeccable authority on the Qur'an and tafseer, so much so that 'Umar used to consult him and take his view in the presence of older and more senior Sahaba. Amongst the army leaders who led Muslims into Iraq; Persia, Egypt, North Africa and Spain were several below the age of forty. Muhammad Ibn Qasim conquered Sind in India when he was seventeen.
In all fields of learning, religious and secular life young men have had profound influences upon the whole history of the Muslim Ummah. Imam al-Ghazali began teaching at the age of twenty-eight and became the most renowned and celebrated scholar of his time before he reached thirty-four years of age. The Turkish Sultan Muhammad the Conqueror assumed the Khilafa at twenty-two and conquered Constantinople (Istanbul) at the age of twenty-four.
The recent and contemporary history of Islam too, produced a number of young men who have left their mark on the history of Islamic da'wah. Abul A'la Maududi formed the Jama'at lslami before he was thirty years. Hasan al-Banna organised the Muslim Brothers Society when he was only twenty-one and led it all through his life, which was ended by an assassin's bullet before he reached forty years of age. These two movements are among the two most influential Islamic movements of this century.
Such are the qualities and the potential of Muslim youth, and such has been the result of their efforts and work.
The Muslim
By Ashur Shamis
The following is a classic article which was first published in The Muslim magazine in July 1978. It has not lost its relevance or importance.
Societies in all human cultures give a great deal of attention and importance to their young. Enormous sums of money and resources are spent and allocated by governments, state institutions and other bodies for the training, education and preparation of the youth in order to absorb and channel their great energies and potential. For the old have always known and assumed that no matter how great or high the efforts and material resources devoted to the training of the young, the investment is worthwhile and always pays off well in the end.
The old also realise that the young are their link with the future and their best assurance that the ideals and the principles they advanced and established, and the achievements and results they brought about, would be upheld, preserved and developed.
It is a fact of life that the time of youth is universally considered to be the time during which a person's physical, mental, intellectual and moral faculties and potential attain their optimum level of development and application. It is the time when the mind shows its inventive and imaginative capabilities in the best form. A twentieth century Muslim writer, Mustafa al-Rafi'ee, describes the time of youth saying..
"Youth is strength, for the sun does not brighten the afternoon as much is it does the morning. In youth there is a kind of life with which death seems to sound like sleep; and during its youth a tree brings forth its fruit, while after that all trees give nothing but wood".
It is also the period of one's life during which one's ability for perception, understanding and absorption of concepts, ideas, thought and knowledge is at its best. This is the reason that makes youth the prime target of all ideological, political and cultural forces and state machinery aiming at the advancement of certain patterns of social organisation or particular systems of mass control and domination.
This potential that lies in the young generation, and the power it represents in social and political terms make the youth of any society the most valuable asset it could possibly possess, and the number one factor that could influence its progress and future. This applies just as equally to Muslim societies as it does in others.
Islam's View of Youth
Islam, as embodied in the Qur'an and the teachings and life of the Prophet Muhammad, Allah's peace and blessings be upon him, appreciate and emphasise the value and importance of young people, and the following discussion will hopefully illustrate this appreciation and concern very clearly.
The Qur'an says:
"Allah is He who created you of weakness, then He appointed after weakness strength, then after strength He appointed weakness and grey hair. , . ." (Al- Qur'an 30:54).
This is taken to be the most succinct and direct reference to the three main phases of a person's life; childhood, during which one is weak, dependent and helpless; youth, during which one is fully developed, free to act and think and full of strength, vitality and energy; and old age, when a person reverts to being helpless and depending on others-into a state of complete weakness with the faculties dwindling and the energy fading away and vitality receding and failing rapidly. The Prophet, Allah's peace and blessings be upon him, was known to frequently seek Allah's refuge from amongst other things, old age.
The Prophet is also reported to have advised the Muslims to
"make use of your youth be- fore your old age . . .",
and to have mentioned seven people whom Allah will, on the Day of Judgement, protect under His "shade" including
". . . a young man who grew up in devotion to Allah. . . ."
We also find that the Qur'an and the Prophet indicate that all through the history of Allah's message to man, from the time of Adam to that of Muhammad, it was the youth who played the major and decisive role in upholding the word and the Shari'ah of Allah.
The Qur'an related that when Prophet lbrahim challenged the non-believers of his time and destroyed their idol-gods, he was a young man, probably in his twenties. Both the muffasireen lbn Kathir and Sayyid Qutb take this view. Ibn Kathir relates that the great authority on tafseer, the Sahabi Abdullah lbn Abbas said:
"Allah appointed no prophet but he was a young man, and no aalim has acquired his knowledge except during his youth."
Prophet Yusuf, peace be upon him, is also said to have been appointed a minister by the ruler of Egypt, to take charge of the country's financial affairs during a hard period of a severe famine when he was thirty, according to lbn Kathir. Prophet Yahya, the Qur'an says, was given "the wisdom while a young boy." (Al-Qur'an 19:12).
And the same applies to several other prophets and messengers, Allah's peace be upon them all. The Qur'an also relates the story of Ahl al- Kahf, the Sleepers, who ran away from their families and their people in order to be able to practice their belief in the One God, and keep their devotion to Him and protect themselves from the evils of a Kafir society. Allah took care of them by directing them to the Cave and sending them to rest, sleeping for three hundred and nine years. This group, the Qur'an describes as "fityatun", who believed in "their Lord" and Allah "gave them more guidance".
The Arabic word fityatun is a synonym of the word shabab which means youth or young people. Ibn Kathir comments that young people are far more responsive to the truth and more apt to heed the call than the old ones who had gone too far astray and were accustomed to non-belief. Thus, he continues, the majority of the Prophet's followers were young people, while the old and elderly of Quraish in the main had clung to their age-old beliefs and retained their religious customs and traditions with the result that only very few of them embraced Islam willingly.
Experience and study show that there is a maximum level of human activity and vitality during one's lifetime, after which a person continues to live and draw from the achievements, knowledge and experience of his youth, and very little that is original and new can be Incorporated into his aptitudes and skills; one merely develops and improves on those youth-acquired skills. This is a rule that can of course have exceptions, but there is all the evidence to make it stand good.
This period of optimum ability in one's life is referred to in the Qur'an as bulugh al-ashudd, reaching full age, and is said to fall between the ages of thirty and forty years (Al-Qur'an :15) and is considered the age at which a person reaches full maturity and becomes qualified to assume and receive the highest and most demanding duties and responsibilities; a number of Prophets were appointed to prophethood on reaching their ashudd (7:22; 28:14), including the Prophet Muhammad himself, the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, who was called to Prophethood at the age of forty.
Ibn Kathir's statement that it was mostly the youth who responded to the call of Islam at the early days during its early days is supported by the hadith which reported the Prophet's saying:
"I have been sent with the pure and natural religion, to the youth (who) had backed me while the old had opposed me",
as well as by the brilliant examples of the large groups of young people who followed Islam and carried it to all corners of the world.
Youth During Early Islam
It is an often forgotten or overlooked fact that Islam was almost from the start influenced by and identified with youth. lbn Ishaq mentions that the first male to believe the Prophet and give him support and believe in Islam was a ten-year-old boy named Ali ibn Abi Talib. Almost all of the first followers of the prophet were below the age of forty and included individuals like Az-Zubair ibn al-Aawwam who became a Muslim at the age of sixteen (his uncle used to punish him for that by wrapping him in straw mats and hanging him up and blowing smoke at him in an attempt to dissuade him from accepting ]slam, but he used to reply that he would never go back to Kufr again) and Abu 'Ubaidah Ibn al-Jarrah became Muslim at seventeen, and several others.
The leaders of Quraish used to appeal to Abu Bakr not to recite the Qur'an in front of his house in case he tempted "our young men" to becoming interested in Islam. They knew the value of their young, and realised the fact that young people are always prone to change and liable to be influenced by new ideas, and are easily attracted by such powerful and overpowering forces as that of the simple but penetrating logic and beauty of the Qur'an.
Throughout the Makkan period it was men in their youth who upheld Islam and carried it fully in face of all the odds, while the elder members of society resisted its spread and progress and posed an ever growing threat to its followers. At Madina also it was young people who were first responding to the Prophet's search for support and adherents.
The Prophet used to take young people above the age of fifteen to battle with the army. At the battle of Badr he turned back some young men under fifteen and they were very disappointed; one of them, 'Umair ibn Abi Waqqas, started to cry and the Prophet felt sorry for him and allowed him to join the army. He went to battle, fought and was martyred,
It is also known that the Prophet assigned a number of key positions and responsibilities to young people. When the Thaqeef tribe accepted Islam he put 'Uthman lbn Abi Abbass in charge of them although he was the youngest of them, because Abu Bakr had told him that the boy was the keenest one of them all to understand Islam and the Qur'an.
When the first delegation from Madina accepted Islam the Prophet sent back with them a young man by the name of Mus'aab lbn 'Umair to teach them the Qur'an and Islam. Among those whom he used to consult was 'Usama lbn Zaid, who was about twenty-one when the Prophet died. 'Aysha related that during the very trying episode when the Prophet's household was slandered, the Prophet consulted Ali and 'Usama on what course of action to take. This in itself is an indication of the respect and value the Prophet attached to young people and their views.
He, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, appointed a young man of twenty-one, 'Itab lbn Usayd, a governor of Makka when it was conquered and he became the first Imam to lead the prayer there. He left Muaath as a teacher and religious instructor to the people of Makka when he was only twenty years old.
Shaykh Al-Kandahlawi in his book, "Lives of the Sahaba", relates that the Prophet used to have twenty young men from the Ansar with him at all times, whom he would send to various missions and for various purposes to attend to his affairs.
The young man 'Usama referred to earlier was to play an even more decisive role in the history of early Islam. The Prophet during his later days was preparing an army, the biggest Madina had even seen, including such senior Sahaba as Abu Bakr and 'Umar, with 'Usama, not twenty-one then, as its head. The Prophet, however, passed away before the army could leave Madina and proceed to face the Roman empire. Abu Bakr, his successor, went ahead with the plans to send the army keeping 'Usama in charge of it. Some older Sahaba expressed a certain amount of dissatisfaction at 'Usama's choice as the leader of a 3,000 strong army, but the Prophet asserted that "Usama was well up to the task", and he was proved right.
Amongst women also, the youth played important roles in the building of the Muslim Ummah. Asma, daughter of Abu Bakr, played one of the most vital and daring roles in the history of Islam during the uncertain and dangerous episode of the Hijrah, the Prophet's escape from Makka and immigration to Madina. Her sister, Aysha, who was also a wife of the Prophet, emerged as an authority on Islam during the time of the Khilafah.
She was only about twenty years old when the Prophet died, but by the time of 'Umar and 'Uthman she had been established and recognised as an authority on Sunnah and a remarkable jurist in her own right.
Ibn Abbas was also very young when he emerged as a unique and impeccable authority on the Qur'an and tafseer, so much so that 'Umar used to consult him and take his view in the presence of older and more senior Sahaba. Amongst the army leaders who led Muslims into Iraq; Persia, Egypt, North Africa and Spain were several below the age of forty. Muhammad Ibn Qasim conquered Sind in India when he was seventeen.
In all fields of learning, religious and secular life young men have had profound influences upon the whole history of the Muslim Ummah. Imam al-Ghazali began teaching at the age of twenty-eight and became the most renowned and celebrated scholar of his time before he reached thirty-four years of age. The Turkish Sultan Muhammad the Conqueror assumed the Khilafa at twenty-two and conquered Constantinople (Istanbul) at the age of twenty-four.
The recent and contemporary history of Islam too, produced a number of young men who have left their mark on the history of Islamic da'wah. Abul A'la Maududi formed the Jama'at lslami before he was thirty years. Hasan al-Banna organised the Muslim Brothers Society when he was only twenty-one and led it all through his life, which was ended by an assassin's bullet before he reached forty years of age. These two movements are among the two most influential Islamic movements of this century.
Such are the qualities and the potential of Muslim youth, and such has been the result of their efforts and work.
The Muslim
Conflicting Values: Muslim Teenagers and Highschool
Conflicting Values: Muslim Teenagers and Highschool
By Karen Pryer-Salahuddin
For young Muslims, living in a non-Islamic society, the pressures to conform and to be like everyone else are oftentimes overwhelming. School dances, senior proms, co-ed class trips, weekend trips to the movie theaters, malls and countless other places and activities that not only involve intermingling, but also promote other non-Islamic behavior, are all parts of the tapestry that make up a teenage Muslim's life in the West. As parents we have to acknowledge the dichotomous nature of our teenagers' existences, and offer support and assistance in making good decisions. It's not enough for us to simply say no to these activities, but we have to explain why they are not acceptable and offer Islamic alternatives. As a young Muslim or Muslimah , you may be finding it very difficult to even come to terms with your Islamic identity, when the majority of your peers dont even know what being a Muslim means, or what Islam is really all about.
As a parent I can think of at least three issues that readily come to my mind, when I look at our Muslim youth:
1. They feel alienated and frustrated because of the duality of their experiance of living in a Western society in which the deen of Islam has yet to be fully propogated.
2. They are struggling not to adapt the ways and characters of the people they come in contact with everyday.
3. Some are exhibiting signs of rebellion that arises when they are often being told that many of the things they desire to do are harm.
Since I did not become a Muslim until 28 years of age, I may not truly know what it feels like being a Muslim teenager in a "I CAN DO AS I WANT" world. Only Allah knows best what challenges this presents for the youth. But Allah in His Infitite Mercy has promised to provide a place under His Shade on the Day of Judgement for those who speak and practice Islam in their youth. For Allah to grant such a reward testifies to the difficulties of doing the right thing, and following Allah's Decrees, when you're young. To speak of Islam, for example to your friends and peers, when all around you is talk of the haram, takes tremendous faith and courage.
The question now becomes, do you choose now or later? Do you choose those activities and behaviors that you know Allah, in His Infinite Knowledge has prohibited, for the gratification of "NOW"? Or will you strive to indulge in those activities and behaviors that will enable you to stand beneath the shaded doors of Paradise "LATER"?
Parents, you need to help your children choose to strive for a place under Allah's shade on the Day of Judgement and to help them want to be among the people of paradise. Offer them Islamic alternatives, which will give them a sense of belonging and community.
- Hold separate boys' and girls' youth meetings to first collectively identify you as young Muslims and to familiarize yourselves with one another on that basis. What better way to nurture and foster an Islamic identity and personality than to communicate with fellow Muslims.
- Plan separate boys' and girls' activities such as the trips to the masgid, Islamic outings, sport activities, and make sure that all other activities and getting together have an Islamic focus. The key is to infuse Islamic values into all of your activities.
- Adopt the concept of "each one teach one" which means to constantly be in the mode of teaching your fellow Muslim and non-Muslim friends about Islam; not simple theoritical knowledge, but showing and explaining how you have integrated what you know into your practical way of life.
As Muslim parents and a Muslim community, let us support our young people. Let us not sacrifice our youth for the instant gratification of this life. We need to continue to demonstrate to them that there exists a practical way of living Islam, from what we say, to how we act and what we wear. Remember, Islam is truly a way of life; not just a religion with rituals. May Allah continue to shower His Mercy upon our young Muslims as they struggle with all of their hearts and souls to reconcile two worlds, the Western society and Islam, in pursuit of that shaded place on a Day when there will be no shade, except that of Allah subhanuahu wa ta'ala.
Reprinted from Al-Jumu'ah Magazine
By Karen Pryer-Salahuddin
For young Muslims, living in a non-Islamic society, the pressures to conform and to be like everyone else are oftentimes overwhelming. School dances, senior proms, co-ed class trips, weekend trips to the movie theaters, malls and countless other places and activities that not only involve intermingling, but also promote other non-Islamic behavior, are all parts of the tapestry that make up a teenage Muslim's life in the West. As parents we have to acknowledge the dichotomous nature of our teenagers' existences, and offer support and assistance in making good decisions. It's not enough for us to simply say no to these activities, but we have to explain why they are not acceptable and offer Islamic alternatives. As a young Muslim or Muslimah , you may be finding it very difficult to even come to terms with your Islamic identity, when the majority of your peers dont even know what being a Muslim means, or what Islam is really all about.
As a parent I can think of at least three issues that readily come to my mind, when I look at our Muslim youth:
1. They feel alienated and frustrated because of the duality of their experiance of living in a Western society in which the deen of Islam has yet to be fully propogated.
2. They are struggling not to adapt the ways and characters of the people they come in contact with everyday.
3. Some are exhibiting signs of rebellion that arises when they are often being told that many of the things they desire to do are harm.
Since I did not become a Muslim until 28 years of age, I may not truly know what it feels like being a Muslim teenager in a "I CAN DO AS I WANT" world. Only Allah knows best what challenges this presents for the youth. But Allah in His Infitite Mercy has promised to provide a place under His Shade on the Day of Judgement for those who speak and practice Islam in their youth. For Allah to grant such a reward testifies to the difficulties of doing the right thing, and following Allah's Decrees, when you're young. To speak of Islam, for example to your friends and peers, when all around you is talk of the haram, takes tremendous faith and courage.
The question now becomes, do you choose now or later? Do you choose those activities and behaviors that you know Allah, in His Infinite Knowledge has prohibited, for the gratification of "NOW"? Or will you strive to indulge in those activities and behaviors that will enable you to stand beneath the shaded doors of Paradise "LATER"?
Parents, you need to help your children choose to strive for a place under Allah's shade on the Day of Judgement and to help them want to be among the people of paradise. Offer them Islamic alternatives, which will give them a sense of belonging and community.
- Hold separate boys' and girls' youth meetings to first collectively identify you as young Muslims and to familiarize yourselves with one another on that basis. What better way to nurture and foster an Islamic identity and personality than to communicate with fellow Muslims.
- Plan separate boys' and girls' activities such as the trips to the masgid, Islamic outings, sport activities, and make sure that all other activities and getting together have an Islamic focus. The key is to infuse Islamic values into all of your activities.
- Adopt the concept of "each one teach one" which means to constantly be in the mode of teaching your fellow Muslim and non-Muslim friends about Islam; not simple theoritical knowledge, but showing and explaining how you have integrated what you know into your practical way of life.
As Muslim parents and a Muslim community, let us support our young people. Let us not sacrifice our youth for the instant gratification of this life. We need to continue to demonstrate to them that there exists a practical way of living Islam, from what we say, to how we act and what we wear. Remember, Islam is truly a way of life; not just a religion with rituals. May Allah continue to shower His Mercy upon our young Muslims as they struggle with all of their hearts and souls to reconcile two worlds, the Western society and Islam, in pursuit of that shaded place on a Day when there will be no shade, except that of Allah subhanuahu wa ta'ala.
Reprinted from Al-Jumu'ah Magazine
ADOLESCENCE: TURMOIL OR TRANSITION
ADOLESCENCE: TURMOIL OR TRANSITION
By Dr. Aisha Hamdan
The stage of adolescence is often seen as a time of turmoil and distress for both the teenagers and their parents. Parents worry about what kind of friends their teen will have, whether or not they will do well in school and decide to pursue their education further, and how much "control" they will have over their teen's decisions. Greater fears include problems with drugs or alcohol, trouble with the legal system, premarital relationships, and suicide. In addition to all of these issues, Muslim parents would be concerned about whether or not their adolescent will wear the hijab, perform salah correctly and on time, fast during the month of Ramadhan, avoid contact with members of the opposite gender, respect his/her parents and other adults. Dealing with all of these worries can be less stressful if a parent knows what to expect as their child enters this phase of development.
Adolescence is generally considered to begin around the age of 12 or 13 and end at 18 or 19. It is a period of transition between childhood and adulthood that is not at all universal. In many cultures and societies there is no such phase of development since marriage and the its associated responsibilities occur at an early age. Adolescence is present in other societies due to social, economic, and cultural factors that produce a gap between the ability to reproduce biologically and the societal expectations for reproduction. As Muslims, we need to contemplate the validity of this stage since we understand that accountability (Takleef) for our thoughts and actions begins at puberty (Buloogh). This means that even though we may not be an "adult" socially, we are considered to be one spiritually. Obviously this should bring up all kinds of red flags and warnings for parents as they realize that the task of parenting is mostly complete by the age of 12 or 13, depending on when a child reaches puberty. At that time, the youth will be completely responsible to Allah for all that he/she does. This does not mean that being a parent ends at that time, but it does highlight the significance of those early years and the crucial role that parents play. We need to build a solid foundation so that our children will make appropriate choices when the time comes.
For those who are in a society where adolescence is regarded as a distinct developmental phase, it is beneficial to understand some of its general characteristics. The perception that this time in life is one of turmoil and distress is related to the commonly held belief that parent-adolescent conflict is inevitable and that the difficulty will continue until the adolescent leaves home. Although this does occur in some families, it should not be considered the norm. Disagreements will obviously arise as the adolescent begins to assert his/her need for independence and control, which is accompanied by expanding cognitive ability and an emerging self-identity. Parents should respect their teenager's choices and foster his/her sense of responsibility, as long as the choices are not contrary to the principles of Islam. Youth should also be taught the fundamental Islamic value of being obedient and respectful to parents at an early age so that when correction is necessary it will be readily accepted. The use of these two strategies should be effective in preventing any serious parent-adolescent conflict from occurring. A positive note is that research has shown that although adolescents and their parents may differ about details of everyday life, they generally agree on issues related to basic values. This is another red flag to signify that we should be aware of the values that we are teaching our youth.
Socially, there is a reorganization during adolescence as more time is spent with peers, adult guidance is reduced and becomes more indirect, and participation in large social groups becomes important. The peer group becomes more influential and various forms of peer pressure may operate. Another positive note is that adolescents are more likely to go along with peer pressure that is prosocial than with pressure to misbehave. The peer group is also an important source of information, encouragement, and social connectedness as the person begins to learn his/her way around in the world. As Muslim parents, we should obviously be concerned about the type of information and encouragement that our youths receive and, by extension, the type of friends that they have. We should encourage them to form friendships and relationships with those who hold the same Islamic values that we are attempting to convey. Children who have developed a love for Islam will naturally follow in this path.
Adolescence can be a splendid time of life for both parents and youth as the transition occurs from childhood into adulthood. If the seeds of Islam have been planted from the beginning and watered and nurtured along the way, a beautiful, flowering plant will unfold. There should then be little worry about the many concerns that may appear during this time. Contrary to the belief that this is a time of conflict between parent and adolescent, it can actually be one of mutual growth, love, and respect. The parent-child relationship will change at this time as independence and accountability develop, but the new bond that occurs can be rewarding and fulfilling for both. May Allah, subhana wa ta'ala, help us to be exemplary parents and assist us in raising righteous children.
First published in Al-Jumu'ah magazine.
By Dr. Aisha Hamdan
The stage of adolescence is often seen as a time of turmoil and distress for both the teenagers and their parents. Parents worry about what kind of friends their teen will have, whether or not they will do well in school and decide to pursue their education further, and how much "control" they will have over their teen's decisions. Greater fears include problems with drugs or alcohol, trouble with the legal system, premarital relationships, and suicide. In addition to all of these issues, Muslim parents would be concerned about whether or not their adolescent will wear the hijab, perform salah correctly and on time, fast during the month of Ramadhan, avoid contact with members of the opposite gender, respect his/her parents and other adults. Dealing with all of these worries can be less stressful if a parent knows what to expect as their child enters this phase of development.
Adolescence is generally considered to begin around the age of 12 or 13 and end at 18 or 19. It is a period of transition between childhood and adulthood that is not at all universal. In many cultures and societies there is no such phase of development since marriage and the its associated responsibilities occur at an early age. Adolescence is present in other societies due to social, economic, and cultural factors that produce a gap between the ability to reproduce biologically and the societal expectations for reproduction. As Muslims, we need to contemplate the validity of this stage since we understand that accountability (Takleef) for our thoughts and actions begins at puberty (Buloogh). This means that even though we may not be an "adult" socially, we are considered to be one spiritually. Obviously this should bring up all kinds of red flags and warnings for parents as they realize that the task of parenting is mostly complete by the age of 12 or 13, depending on when a child reaches puberty. At that time, the youth will be completely responsible to Allah for all that he/she does. This does not mean that being a parent ends at that time, but it does highlight the significance of those early years and the crucial role that parents play. We need to build a solid foundation so that our children will make appropriate choices when the time comes.
For those who are in a society where adolescence is regarded as a distinct developmental phase, it is beneficial to understand some of its general characteristics. The perception that this time in life is one of turmoil and distress is related to the commonly held belief that parent-adolescent conflict is inevitable and that the difficulty will continue until the adolescent leaves home. Although this does occur in some families, it should not be considered the norm. Disagreements will obviously arise as the adolescent begins to assert his/her need for independence and control, which is accompanied by expanding cognitive ability and an emerging self-identity. Parents should respect their teenager's choices and foster his/her sense of responsibility, as long as the choices are not contrary to the principles of Islam. Youth should also be taught the fundamental Islamic value of being obedient and respectful to parents at an early age so that when correction is necessary it will be readily accepted. The use of these two strategies should be effective in preventing any serious parent-adolescent conflict from occurring. A positive note is that research has shown that although adolescents and their parents may differ about details of everyday life, they generally agree on issues related to basic values. This is another red flag to signify that we should be aware of the values that we are teaching our youth.
Socially, there is a reorganization during adolescence as more time is spent with peers, adult guidance is reduced and becomes more indirect, and participation in large social groups becomes important. The peer group becomes more influential and various forms of peer pressure may operate. Another positive note is that adolescents are more likely to go along with peer pressure that is prosocial than with pressure to misbehave. The peer group is also an important source of information, encouragement, and social connectedness as the person begins to learn his/her way around in the world. As Muslim parents, we should obviously be concerned about the type of information and encouragement that our youths receive and, by extension, the type of friends that they have. We should encourage them to form friendships and relationships with those who hold the same Islamic values that we are attempting to convey. Children who have developed a love for Islam will naturally follow in this path.
Adolescence can be a splendid time of life for both parents and youth as the transition occurs from childhood into adulthood. If the seeds of Islam have been planted from the beginning and watered and nurtured along the way, a beautiful, flowering plant will unfold. There should then be little worry about the many concerns that may appear during this time. Contrary to the belief that this is a time of conflict between parent and adolescent, it can actually be one of mutual growth, love, and respect. The parent-child relationship will change at this time as independence and accountability develop, but the new bond that occurs can be rewarding and fulfilling for both. May Allah, subhana wa ta'ala, help us to be exemplary parents and assist us in raising righteous children.
First published in Al-Jumu'ah magazine.
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Importance of Marriage in Islam
Importance of Marriage in Islam
Allah has created men and women as company for one another, and so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquility according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger. The Qur'an says:
And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)
And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best. (16:72)
These verses of the Noble Qur'an clearly show that in contrast to other religions like Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism etc. which consider celibacy or monasticism as a great virtue and a means of salvation, Islam considers marriage as one of the most virtuous and approved institutions. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) declared, "There is no monasticism in Islam." He further ordained,
"O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." (Al-Bukhari)
Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith." (Al-Bukhari)
The importance of the institution or marriage receives its greatest emphasis from the following hadith of the Prophet,
"Marriage is my sunna. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me."
With these Qur'anic injunctions and the guidance from the Prophet (peace be upon him) in mind, we shall examine the institution of marriage in the Shari'ah.
The word zawaj is used in the Qur'an to signify a pair or a mate. But in common parlance it stands for marriage. Since the family is the nucleus of Islamic society, and marriage is the only way to bring families into existence, the Prophet (peace be upon him) insisted upon his followers entering into marriage The Shari'ah prescribes rules to regulate the functioning of the family so that both spouses can live together in love, security, and tranquillity. Marriage in Islam has aspects of both 'ibadah (worship) of Allah and mu'amalah (transactions between human beings).
In its 'ibadah aspect, marriage is an act pleasing to Allah because it is in accordance with his commandments that husband and wife love each other and help each other to make efforts to continue the human race and rear and nurse their children to become true servants of Allah.
In its mu'amalah aspect, marriage being a lawful response to the basic biological instinct to have sexual intercourse and to procreate children, the Shari'ah has prescribed detailed rules for translating this response into a living human institution reinforced by a whole framework of legally enforceable rights and duties, not only of the spouses, but also of their offspring.
These aspects are beautifully explained in a tradition of the Prophet. It is narrated by Anas that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,
"When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion because it shields him from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality etc., which ultimately lead to many other evils like slander, quarreling, homicide, loss of property and disintegration of the family. According to the Prophet (peace be upon him) the remaining half of the faith can be saved by taqwa.
Conditions of Marriage
Careful consideration of the Qur'anic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable (mandub).
However, according to the Maliki school, under certain conditions it is obligatory (fard) for a Muslim to marry even if he is not in a position to earn his living:
If he fears that by not marrying he will commit fornication (zina).
If he is unable to fast to control his passions or his fasting does not help him to refrain from zina.
Even if he is unable to find a slave girl or a destitute girl to marry.
However some jurists suggest that if a man cannot procure a lawful livelihood, he must not marry because if he marries without any hope of getting lawful bread, he may commit theft, and in order to avoid one evil (his passions) he may become the victim of another (theft).
The Hanafi school considers marriage as obligatory (fard) for a man:
If he is sure that he will commit zina if he does not marry.
If he cannot fast to control his passions or even if he can fast, his fast does not help him to control his passion.
If he cannot get a slave-girl to marry.
If he is able to pay the dowry (mahr) and to earn a lawful livelihood.
Marriage is forbidden (haram) to a man, according to the Hanafi school, if he does not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny.
It is not desirable (makruh) for a man who possesses no sexual desire at all or who has no love for children or who is sure to be slackened in his religious obligations as a result of marriage.
In a beautiful tradition the Prophet (peace be upon him) has given the most important point that should weigh with every Muslim in selecting his bride:
"Whoever marries a woman solely for her power and position, Allah will only increase him in humiliation. Whoever marries a woman solely for her wealth, Allah will only increase him in poverty. Whoever marries a woman because of her beauty, Allah will only increase him in ugliness. But whoever marries a woman in order that he may restrain his eyes, observe cautiousness, and treat his relations kindly, Allah puts a blessing in her for him and in him for her."
In order that problems should not arise after marriage the Prophet (peace be upon him) recommended that, in the selection of his bride, a man should see her before betrothal lest blindness of choice or an error of judgment should defeat the very purpose of marriage. But this "seeing" is not to be taken as a substitute for the "courtship" of the West. The man should not gaze passionately at his bride-to-be, but only have a critical look at her face and hands to acquaint himself with her personality and beauty. However, if a man so desires, he may appoint a woman to go and interview the proposed bride, so that she may fully describe the type of girl she is.
Since believing men and women are referred to in the Qur'an, a woman also has the right to look at her potential husband.
The special permission for men and women to see each other with a view to matrimony does not contravene the code of conduct for believing men and women to lower their gaze and be modest which is laid down in the Holy Qur'an.
Allah has created men and women as company for one another, and so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquility according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger. The Qur'an says:
And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)
And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best. (16:72)
These verses of the Noble Qur'an clearly show that in contrast to other religions like Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism etc. which consider celibacy or monasticism as a great virtue and a means of salvation, Islam considers marriage as one of the most virtuous and approved institutions. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) declared, "There is no monasticism in Islam." He further ordained,
"O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." (Al-Bukhari)
Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith." (Al-Bukhari)
The importance of the institution or marriage receives its greatest emphasis from the following hadith of the Prophet,
"Marriage is my sunna. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me."
With these Qur'anic injunctions and the guidance from the Prophet (peace be upon him) in mind, we shall examine the institution of marriage in the Shari'ah.
The word zawaj is used in the Qur'an to signify a pair or a mate. But in common parlance it stands for marriage. Since the family is the nucleus of Islamic society, and marriage is the only way to bring families into existence, the Prophet (peace be upon him) insisted upon his followers entering into marriage The Shari'ah prescribes rules to regulate the functioning of the family so that both spouses can live together in love, security, and tranquillity. Marriage in Islam has aspects of both 'ibadah (worship) of Allah and mu'amalah (transactions between human beings).
In its 'ibadah aspect, marriage is an act pleasing to Allah because it is in accordance with his commandments that husband and wife love each other and help each other to make efforts to continue the human race and rear and nurse their children to become true servants of Allah.
In its mu'amalah aspect, marriage being a lawful response to the basic biological instinct to have sexual intercourse and to procreate children, the Shari'ah has prescribed detailed rules for translating this response into a living human institution reinforced by a whole framework of legally enforceable rights and duties, not only of the spouses, but also of their offspring.
These aspects are beautifully explained in a tradition of the Prophet. It is narrated by Anas that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,
"When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion because it shields him from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality etc., which ultimately lead to many other evils like slander, quarreling, homicide, loss of property and disintegration of the family. According to the Prophet (peace be upon him) the remaining half of the faith can be saved by taqwa.
Conditions of Marriage
Careful consideration of the Qur'anic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable (mandub).
However, according to the Maliki school, under certain conditions it is obligatory (fard) for a Muslim to marry even if he is not in a position to earn his living:
If he fears that by not marrying he will commit fornication (zina).
If he is unable to fast to control his passions or his fasting does not help him to refrain from zina.
Even if he is unable to find a slave girl or a destitute girl to marry.
However some jurists suggest that if a man cannot procure a lawful livelihood, he must not marry because if he marries without any hope of getting lawful bread, he may commit theft, and in order to avoid one evil (his passions) he may become the victim of another (theft).
The Hanafi school considers marriage as obligatory (fard) for a man:
If he is sure that he will commit zina if he does not marry.
If he cannot fast to control his passions or even if he can fast, his fast does not help him to control his passion.
If he cannot get a slave-girl to marry.
If he is able to pay the dowry (mahr) and to earn a lawful livelihood.
Marriage is forbidden (haram) to a man, according to the Hanafi school, if he does not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny.
It is not desirable (makruh) for a man who possesses no sexual desire at all or who has no love for children or who is sure to be slackened in his religious obligations as a result of marriage.
In a beautiful tradition the Prophet (peace be upon him) has given the most important point that should weigh with every Muslim in selecting his bride:
"Whoever marries a woman solely for her power and position, Allah will only increase him in humiliation. Whoever marries a woman solely for her wealth, Allah will only increase him in poverty. Whoever marries a woman because of her beauty, Allah will only increase him in ugliness. But whoever marries a woman in order that he may restrain his eyes, observe cautiousness, and treat his relations kindly, Allah puts a blessing in her for him and in him for her."
In order that problems should not arise after marriage the Prophet (peace be upon him) recommended that, in the selection of his bride, a man should see her before betrothal lest blindness of choice or an error of judgment should defeat the very purpose of marriage. But this "seeing" is not to be taken as a substitute for the "courtship" of the West. The man should not gaze passionately at his bride-to-be, but only have a critical look at her face and hands to acquaint himself with her personality and beauty. However, if a man so desires, he may appoint a woman to go and interview the proposed bride, so that she may fully describe the type of girl she is.
Since believing men and women are referred to in the Qur'an, a woman also has the right to look at her potential husband.
The special permission for men and women to see each other with a view to matrimony does not contravene the code of conduct for believing men and women to lower their gaze and be modest which is laid down in the Holy Qur'an.
Monday, 21 February 2011
How to Make Your Husband Happy
How to Make Your Husband Happy
by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed
(NOTE: To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam
in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of
Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The
books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar,
who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in
Saudi Arabia. The two books are:
1- How to make your wife happy
2- How to make your husband happy
They exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good
manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The
following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what
could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is
supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions,
but evidences are omitted in this translation.)
---------------------------------------------
1- Beautiful Reception
----------------------
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,
begin with a good greeting.
* Meet him with a cheerful face.
* Beautify and perfume yourself.
* Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested.
* Receive him with loving and yearning sentences.
* Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.
2- Beautify and Soften the Voice
--------------------------------
* For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men
(men who can marry you if you were unmarried).
3- Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
--------------------------------------------
* Taking good care of your body and fitness.
* Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
* Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces
or bad smells.
* Avoide that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape.
* Avoide prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo.
* Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes.
* Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time.
* However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course,
only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.
4- Intercourse
--------------
* Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
* Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning
yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
* Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
* Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
* Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband,
and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a
travel, weekends, etc.
5- Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted
--------------------------------------------------
* You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a
simple job.
* You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember
Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you.
* You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.
6- Indifference to Worldly Things
---------------------------------
* You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
* You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
* Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible
(Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and
utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
* Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order
to give charity and feed poor and needy people.
7- Appreciation
---------------
* By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women
because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
* The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and
will do his best to please you in more ways.
* The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed
and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never
appreciates?
8- Devotion and Loyalty
-----------------------
* In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business,
e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
* Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.
9- Compliance to Him
--------------------
* In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
* In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his
support and consultant.
10-Pleasing Him If He Is Angry
------------------------------
* First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
* But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:
1- If you mistaken, then apologize.
2- If he mistaken then:
# Keep still instead of arguing or
# Yield you right or
# Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully
with him.
3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
# Keeping silent untill his anger goes
# Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one
insulted him
# Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened,
e.g. 1) You should tell me what happened? 2) I must know what
made you so angry. 3) You are hidding something, and I have the
right to know
11-Guardianship While He is Absent
----------------------------------
* Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations.
* Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things
that the husbands don't like other people to know.
* Take care of the house and children.
* Takecare of his money and properties.
* Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full
hijab.
* Refuse people whom he does not like to come over.
* Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place.
* Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence.
12- Showing Respect for his Family and Friends
----------------------------------------------
* You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his
parents.
* You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
* You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose
between his mother and his wife.
* Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to
sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
* Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
* Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for
them, support them in calamities, etc..
13- Admirable Jealousy
----------------------
* Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept
within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others,
disrespecting them, etc..
* You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.
14-Patience and Emotional Support
---------------------------------
* Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
* When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your
hsubandh, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases,
accidents, death, etc.
* When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested,
etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and
remind him of paradise.
* When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment
15- Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad
----------------------------------------------------
* Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory
and voluntary worships.
* Encourage him to pray at night.
* Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
* Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
* Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
* Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
* Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
* Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise
opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
* Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband
for Da'wah.
* Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and
children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.
16-Good Housekeeping
--------------------
* Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
* Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
* Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
* Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.
* Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.
17-Preservation of Finances and the Family
------------------------------------------
* Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission
unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
* Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
* Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of
their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam
and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.
Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed,
for the translator brother Abu Talhah, and for the reviewer,
brother Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so
forgive us our faults and correct our errors.
by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed
(NOTE: To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam
in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of
Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The
books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar,
who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in
Saudi Arabia. The two books are:
1- How to make your wife happy
2- How to make your husband happy
They exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good
manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The
following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what
could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is
supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions,
but evidences are omitted in this translation.)
---------------------------------------------
1- Beautiful Reception
----------------------
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,
begin with a good greeting.
* Meet him with a cheerful face.
* Beautify and perfume yourself.
* Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested.
* Receive him with loving and yearning sentences.
* Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.
2- Beautify and Soften the Voice
--------------------------------
* For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men
(men who can marry you if you were unmarried).
3- Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
--------------------------------------------
* Taking good care of your body and fitness.
* Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
* Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces
or bad smells.
* Avoide that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape.
* Avoide prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo.
* Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes.
* Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time.
* However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course,
only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.
4- Intercourse
--------------
* Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
* Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning
yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
* Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
* Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
* Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband,
and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a
travel, weekends, etc.
5- Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted
--------------------------------------------------
* You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a
simple job.
* You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember
Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you.
* You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.
6- Indifference to Worldly Things
---------------------------------
* You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
* You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
* Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible
(Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and
utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
* Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order
to give charity and feed poor and needy people.
7- Appreciation
---------------
* By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women
because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
* The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and
will do his best to please you in more ways.
* The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed
and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never
appreciates?
8- Devotion and Loyalty
-----------------------
* In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business,
e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
* Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.
9- Compliance to Him
--------------------
* In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
* In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his
support and consultant.
10-Pleasing Him If He Is Angry
------------------------------
* First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
* But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:
1- If you mistaken, then apologize.
2- If he mistaken then:
# Keep still instead of arguing or
# Yield you right or
# Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully
with him.
3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
# Keeping silent untill his anger goes
# Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one
insulted him
# Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened,
e.g. 1) You should tell me what happened? 2) I must know what
made you so angry. 3) You are hidding something, and I have the
right to know
11-Guardianship While He is Absent
----------------------------------
* Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations.
* Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things
that the husbands don't like other people to know.
* Take care of the house and children.
* Takecare of his money and properties.
* Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full
hijab.
* Refuse people whom he does not like to come over.
* Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place.
* Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence.
12- Showing Respect for his Family and Friends
----------------------------------------------
* You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his
parents.
* You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
* You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose
between his mother and his wife.
* Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to
sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
* Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
* Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for
them, support them in calamities, etc..
13- Admirable Jealousy
----------------------
* Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept
within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others,
disrespecting them, etc..
* You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.
14-Patience and Emotional Support
---------------------------------
* Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
* When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your
hsubandh, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases,
accidents, death, etc.
* When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested,
etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and
remind him of paradise.
* When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment
15- Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad
----------------------------------------------------
* Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory
and voluntary worships.
* Encourage him to pray at night.
* Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
* Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
* Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
* Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
* Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
* Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise
opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
* Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband
for Da'wah.
* Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and
children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.
16-Good Housekeeping
--------------------
* Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
* Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
* Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
* Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.
* Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.
17-Preservation of Finances and the Family
------------------------------------------
* Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission
unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
* Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
* Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of
their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam
and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.
Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed,
for the translator brother Abu Talhah, and for the reviewer,
brother Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so
forgive us our faults and correct our errors.
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