Vengeance
"Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord."1
In church one Sunday the visiting speaker told how a U.S. soldier (whom I will call Ed) in Afghanistan received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. Understandably, he was deeply hurt. To make matters worse, she asked him to return her photo as she needed it for her local newspaper to announce her engagement to another man.
The men in Ed's unit all felt for Ed and were mad at his former girlfriend, so they all gave Ed a copy of a photo of their girl friends. Ed put these in a box and mailed them to his former girlfriend with a note which said, "I'm sending you a photo of all my girlfriends and can't remember which photo is yours. So will you please take out yours and return all the rest to me."
Aha! "Good for Ed," I want to say! Vengeance can taste so sweet—at least for the immediate present. I know at times when I have felt that someone has been critical of me and their cutting remarks have cut deeply, I want to strike back and let them have a verbal blast packaged in humor/sarcasm, and have to pray for grace so I won't do what I want to do … or at least say what I'd really like to say!
However, as the Bible reminds us, vengeance is best left to the Lord and judgment best left to the Holy Spirit. For some of us, including me, we will need to be "growing in grace" for the rest of our lives.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to keep growing in grace so that I will not lash out and hurt others when they have hurt me. Help me to turn the other cheek, and always be as Christ to those I find unlovable. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Romans 12:19 (NIV).
Tuesday 11 October 2011
True Friendship
True Friendship
"A friend loves at all times"1.
I remember years ago how a friend said that some people are "cursed with the affliction to give advice." I had no idea what he meant. Sure sounded strange to me. Now I understand. He was talking about unsolicited advice; that is, giving advice where it is neither asked for nor wanted.
According to Webster's Dictionary, people "offering unwanted advice or services" are officious. I think that word is close to "obnoxious." Such advice can be thinly veiled criticism.
I'm not talking about going to a lawyer, an accountant, a car mechanic, or whatever when we need professional advice. What I'm talking about is when we share our struggles and feelings with a friend and they have a compulsion to tell us what we should or shouldn't do, or how we should or shouldn't feel. They are in fact putting us down in that they are assuming that they know our needs and understand our situation better than we do ourselves.
Even when some people want advice about a personal issue, it is more effective not to give it to them, but help them come up with their own options and solutions.
A good counselor doesn't tell people what they should or shouldn't do. He helps them see for themselves what they need to do.
What I want from a friend when I am feeling in the pits, is someone to listen to me with their heart, to give me their presence, and accept me as I am, and let me know that they care—not try to fix me—or someone who will weep with me when I weep. Such friends may be rare but they are worth their weight in gold.
In his book, Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen wrote, "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be a true friend and to be there for those who are hurting, not to give them advice or try to fix them or resolve their problems, but to listen to them, accept their feelings, give them my presence, love them, and be as Jesus to them. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Proverbs 17:17 (NIV).
"A friend loves at all times"1.
I remember years ago how a friend said that some people are "cursed with the affliction to give advice." I had no idea what he meant. Sure sounded strange to me. Now I understand. He was talking about unsolicited advice; that is, giving advice where it is neither asked for nor wanted.
According to Webster's Dictionary, people "offering unwanted advice or services" are officious. I think that word is close to "obnoxious." Such advice can be thinly veiled criticism.
I'm not talking about going to a lawyer, an accountant, a car mechanic, or whatever when we need professional advice. What I'm talking about is when we share our struggles and feelings with a friend and they have a compulsion to tell us what we should or shouldn't do, or how we should or shouldn't feel. They are in fact putting us down in that they are assuming that they know our needs and understand our situation better than we do ourselves.
Even when some people want advice about a personal issue, it is more effective not to give it to them, but help them come up with their own options and solutions.
A good counselor doesn't tell people what they should or shouldn't do. He helps them see for themselves what they need to do.
What I want from a friend when I am feeling in the pits, is someone to listen to me with their heart, to give me their presence, and accept me as I am, and let me know that they care—not try to fix me—or someone who will weep with me when I weep. Such friends may be rare but they are worth their weight in gold.
In his book, Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen wrote, "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be a true friend and to be there for those who are hurting, not to give them advice or try to fix them or resolve their problems, but to listen to them, accept their feelings, give them my presence, love them, and be as Jesus to them. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Proverbs 17:17 (NIV).
The Beauty and Meaning of Life
The Beauty and Meaning of Life
"When I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind."1
In speaking about the meaning and purpose of life, one insightful writer said, "It is not about writing great books, amassing great wealth, achieving great power. It is about loving and being loved. It is about savoring the beauty of moments that don't last, the sunsets, the leaves turning color, the rare moments of true human communication."
King Solomon, one of the wisest and richest men of antiquity said about his life: "I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks … reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. I bought male and female slaves …. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces….In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun."2
When we realize that the essence of life is not in power, performance, or possessions but in loving relationships—both with our fellow man and with God—and in appreciating the beauty of his creation, and fulfilling his purpose for our lives, we will have discovered what Solomon took a lifetime to learn.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, give me the wisdom to understand that the beauty and true meaning of life is not found in power, performance or possessions, but in loving relationships the human heart yearns for. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
"When I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind."1
In speaking about the meaning and purpose of life, one insightful writer said, "It is not about writing great books, amassing great wealth, achieving great power. It is about loving and being loved. It is about savoring the beauty of moments that don't last, the sunsets, the leaves turning color, the rare moments of true human communication."
King Solomon, one of the wisest and richest men of antiquity said about his life: "I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks … reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. I bought male and female slaves …. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces….In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun."2
When we realize that the essence of life is not in power, performance, or possessions but in loving relationships—both with our fellow man and with God—and in appreciating the beauty of his creation, and fulfilling his purpose for our lives, we will have discovered what Solomon took a lifetime to learn.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, give me the wisdom to understand that the beauty and true meaning of life is not found in power, performance or possessions, but in loving relationships the human heart yearns for. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
Soul-Brother/Sister
Soul-Brother/Sister
"A friend loves at all times."1
In his book, Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen wrote, "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
These people I like to call soul-brothers or soul-sisters. These are friends with whom we can trust our very soul—warts and all. In fact, for healthy living and loving relationships, every woman (single or married) needs such a soul-sister. And every man (single or married) needs such a soul-brother.
Suggested prayer, "Dear God, please help me to be, and please give to me, such a friend. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
"A friend loves at all times."1
In his book, Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen wrote, "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
These people I like to call soul-brothers or soul-sisters. These are friends with whom we can trust our very soul—warts and all. In fact, for healthy living and loving relationships, every woman (single or married) needs such a soul-sister. And every man (single or married) needs such a soul-brother.
Suggested prayer, "Dear God, please help me to be, and please give to me, such a friend. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
Relationships
Relationships
"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his [Jesus] coming back again is drawing near."1
I'm sure you've heard the old example of how to keep a fire burning in a fireplace. It's about keeping the burning logs and coals stoked together. Coals that fall away from the body of the fire soon become cold and their fire goes out.
This is an excellent illustration of why those who claim to be believers in Jesus need to be actively involved in a good church. To keep on fire; that is, enthusiastic, regarding our faith we need fellowship and connection with fellow Christians.
Furthermore, we were created for relationships. Christianity is not only having a right relationship with God, but also with others. Healthy relationships are vital for healthy living and meaningful growth—physical, emotional, and spiritual. We may exist but cannot live meaningfully and healthily in isolation.
God himself is in relationship: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. And one of the first things Jesus did at the commencement of his earthly ministry was to choose twelve "that they might be with him."2
We need not only to "walk with Jesus" but also with each other. None of us can make it alone. We weren't meant to. Likewise we need to belong to a fellowship filled with warm and loving Christians to help keep us "on fire" for God.
Note: Be sure to read the article, "What a Good Church Can Do for You" at http://tinyurl.com/bs9jf.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me to stay connected to loving and supportive Christians so I can stay enthusiastic about my Christian faith and 'on fire' for you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his [Jesus] coming back again is drawing near."1
I'm sure you've heard the old example of how to keep a fire burning in a fireplace. It's about keeping the burning logs and coals stoked together. Coals that fall away from the body of the fire soon become cold and their fire goes out.
This is an excellent illustration of why those who claim to be believers in Jesus need to be actively involved in a good church. To keep on fire; that is, enthusiastic, regarding our faith we need fellowship and connection with fellow Christians.
Furthermore, we were created for relationships. Christianity is not only having a right relationship with God, but also with others. Healthy relationships are vital for healthy living and meaningful growth—physical, emotional, and spiritual. We may exist but cannot live meaningfully and healthily in isolation.
God himself is in relationship: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. And one of the first things Jesus did at the commencement of his earthly ministry was to choose twelve "that they might be with him."2
We need not only to "walk with Jesus" but also with each other. None of us can make it alone. We weren't meant to. Likewise we need to belong to a fellowship filled with warm and loving Christians to help keep us "on fire" for God.
Note: Be sure to read the article, "What a Good Church Can Do for You" at http://tinyurl.com/bs9jf.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me to stay connected to loving and supportive Christians so I can stay enthusiastic about my Christian faith and 'on fire' for you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
Friendship
Friendship
"There are friends who 'pretend' to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."1
Many definitions have been given to describe friendship. Some time ago an English publication offered a prize for the best one, and, "A friend is one who understands our silence" was one of the thousands of entries. But the one that took first prize was this: "A friend—the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out."
To me, a true friend is one who knows all about you and loves you still, who gives you his or her presence, who listens with his or her heart and actually hears what you are saying—who accepts you for who you are and not for what you have or haven't done. A good friend is one who doesn't judge you, try to fix you, or tell you what you should do. He or she will appreciate your friendship and tell you so, will rejoice with you in your successes and weep with you in your sorrows. And, at times, a good friend will confront you and graciously point out a fault, but no matter what, he or she will stand by you. These friends are rare and precious.
But the greatest friend of all is the One who stepped out of the ivory palaces of heaven and came to earth as a man—clothed in a garment of human flesh—to identify with us, and who died on the cross to save us from our sins, to give us a free pardon and the gift of eternal life. He is "a friend who sticks closer than a brother" and will "never, not ever, no never leave us or forsake us."2 His love is absolutely total, unconditional, and eternal. His name is Jesus.
Prayer: "Dear Jesus, thank you that you are a friend of sinners and, as such, you have accepted me as a friend of yours. Help me to show my appreciation for your dying on the cross in my place by my living for you in every way possible. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
"There are friends who 'pretend' to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."1
Many definitions have been given to describe friendship. Some time ago an English publication offered a prize for the best one, and, "A friend is one who understands our silence" was one of the thousands of entries. But the one that took first prize was this: "A friend—the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out."
To me, a true friend is one who knows all about you and loves you still, who gives you his or her presence, who listens with his or her heart and actually hears what you are saying—who accepts you for who you are and not for what you have or haven't done. A good friend is one who doesn't judge you, try to fix you, or tell you what you should do. He or she will appreciate your friendship and tell you so, will rejoice with you in your successes and weep with you in your sorrows. And, at times, a good friend will confront you and graciously point out a fault, but no matter what, he or she will stand by you. These friends are rare and precious.
But the greatest friend of all is the One who stepped out of the ivory palaces of heaven and came to earth as a man—clothed in a garment of human flesh—to identify with us, and who died on the cross to save us from our sins, to give us a free pardon and the gift of eternal life. He is "a friend who sticks closer than a brother" and will "never, not ever, no never leave us or forsake us."2 His love is absolutely total, unconditional, and eternal. His name is Jesus.
Prayer: "Dear Jesus, thank you that you are a friend of sinners and, as such, you have accepted me as a friend of yours. Help me to show my appreciation for your dying on the cross in my place by my living for you in every way possible. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
Fathers Needed
Fathers Needed
"If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."1
Ron Farmer of the University of New South Wales (Australia) Psychology Department said, "Any man seeking too strenuously for recognition in his early adult life was likely to find that neglect of his family unit during that time would lead to an alienation from his wife and children at the time he most needed their affection and understanding."
As fathers we know we are to provide for our family's physical needs. But provision goes far beyond this. We are to model Christian fatherhood and provide for our family's spiritual needs as well. Equally important is to meet emotional needs, the absence of which is a major cause of many emotional ills and marriage breakdowns.
As fathers we need to be emotionally present and connected to our wives and children. However, if we're not connected to our own emotions and inner self, we cannot be emotionally connected to or intimate with our family. Of all the people I've worked with in recovery groups over the years who are struggling emotionally and/or are divorced, a large percentage of them say that their father was never there for them emotionally when they were growing up. They felt he was distant and lived in his own private world. They never really knew him for who he really was. In God's design it's not only mothers who are needed. Fathers play a vital role in the emotional, spiritual and sexual development of their children. When fathers don't meet their children's needs, their children are programmed for problems as adults—especially in the areas of emotional wellbeing, sexual identity, and interpersonal relationships.
Furthermore, as adults, many of these "emotionally undernourished children" project their feelings towards their earthly father onto God, the Heavenly Father, and feel that he, too, is distant, cold and not there for them. When we are not emotionally present and involved with our children we can, without realizing it, drive wedges between our precious children and God.
Being present for and emotionally involved with our spouse and our children physically, emotionally, and spiritually is critical for, and a vital part of, providing for our children's needs and the future of their children.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me as a father (parent) to be available today and every day to my spouse and to my children, and to give them my presence and undivided attention, so they will know without a shadow of a doubt that I love them. In so doing may they feel my love and affirmation at the very core of their being. And may they also know and feel your love and affirmation at the core of their being. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
"If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."1
Ron Farmer of the University of New South Wales (Australia) Psychology Department said, "Any man seeking too strenuously for recognition in his early adult life was likely to find that neglect of his family unit during that time would lead to an alienation from his wife and children at the time he most needed their affection and understanding."
As fathers we know we are to provide for our family's physical needs. But provision goes far beyond this. We are to model Christian fatherhood and provide for our family's spiritual needs as well. Equally important is to meet emotional needs, the absence of which is a major cause of many emotional ills and marriage breakdowns.
As fathers we need to be emotionally present and connected to our wives and children. However, if we're not connected to our own emotions and inner self, we cannot be emotionally connected to or intimate with our family. Of all the people I've worked with in recovery groups over the years who are struggling emotionally and/or are divorced, a large percentage of them say that their father was never there for them emotionally when they were growing up. They felt he was distant and lived in his own private world. They never really knew him for who he really was. In God's design it's not only mothers who are needed. Fathers play a vital role in the emotional, spiritual and sexual development of their children. When fathers don't meet their children's needs, their children are programmed for problems as adults—especially in the areas of emotional wellbeing, sexual identity, and interpersonal relationships.
Furthermore, as adults, many of these "emotionally undernourished children" project their feelings towards their earthly father onto God, the Heavenly Father, and feel that he, too, is distant, cold and not there for them. When we are not emotionally present and involved with our children we can, without realizing it, drive wedges between our precious children and God.
Being present for and emotionally involved with our spouse and our children physically, emotionally, and spiritually is critical for, and a vital part of, providing for our children's needs and the future of their children.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me as a father (parent) to be available today and every day to my spouse and to my children, and to give them my presence and undivided attention, so they will know without a shadow of a doubt that I love them. In so doing may they feel my love and affirmation at the very core of their being. And may they also know and feel your love and affirmation at the core of their being. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
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