Vengeance

Vengeance


"Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord."1

In church one Sunday the visiting speaker told how a U.S. soldier (whom I will call Ed) in Afghanistan received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. Understandably, he was deeply hurt. To make matters worse, she asked him to return her photo as she needed it for her local newspaper to announce her engagement to another man.

The men in Ed's unit all felt for Ed and were mad at his former girlfriend, so they all gave Ed a copy of a photo of their girl friends. Ed put these in a box and mailed them to his former girlfriend with a note which said, "I'm sending you a photo of all my girlfriends and can't remember which photo is yours. So will you please take out yours and return all the rest to me."

Aha! "Good for Ed," I want to say! Vengeance can taste so sweet—at least for the immediate present. I know at times when I have felt that someone has been critical of me and their cutting remarks have cut deeply, I want to strike back and let them have a verbal blast packaged in humor/sarcasm, and have to pray for grace so I won't do what I want to do … or at least say what I'd really like to say!

However, as the Bible reminds us, vengeance is best left to the Lord and judgment best left to the Holy Spirit. For some of us, including me, we will need to be "growing in grace" for the rest of our lives.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to keep growing in grace so that I will not lash out and hurt others when they have hurt me. Help me to turn the other cheek, and always be as Christ to those I find unlovable. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Romans 12:19 (NIV).

True Friendship

True Friendship


"A friend loves at all times"1.

I remember years ago how a friend said that some people are "cursed with the affliction to give advice." I had no idea what he meant. Sure sounded strange to me. Now I understand. He was talking about unsolicited advice; that is, giving advice where it is neither asked for nor wanted.

According to Webster's Dictionary, people "offering unwanted advice or services" are officious. I think that word is close to "obnoxious." Such advice can be thinly veiled criticism.

I'm not talking about going to a lawyer, an accountant, a car mechanic, or whatever when we need professional advice. What I'm talking about is when we share our struggles and feelings with a friend and they have a compulsion to tell us what we should or shouldn't do, or how we should or shouldn't feel. They are in fact putting us down in that they are assuming that they know our needs and understand our situation better than we do ourselves.

Even when some people want advice about a personal issue, it is more effective not to give it to them, but help them come up with their own options and solutions.

A good counselor doesn't tell people what they should or shouldn't do. He helps them see for themselves what they need to do.

What I want from a friend when I am feeling in the pits, is someone to listen to me with their heart, to give me their presence, and accept me as I am, and let me know that they care—not try to fix me—or someone who will weep with me when I weep. Such friends may be rare but they are worth their weight in gold.

In his book, Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen wrote, "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be a true friend and to be there for those who are hurting, not to give them advice or try to fix them or resolve their problems, but to listen to them, accept their feelings, give them my presence, love them, and be as Jesus to them. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Proverbs 17:17 (NIV).

The Beauty and Meaning of Life

The Beauty and Meaning of Life


"When I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind."1

In speaking about the meaning and purpose of life, one insightful writer said, "It is not about writing great books, amassing great wealth, achieving great power. It is about loving and being loved. It is about savoring the beauty of moments that don't last, the sunsets, the leaves turning color, the rare moments of true human communication."

King Solomon, one of the wisest and richest men of antiquity said about his life: "I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks … reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. I bought male and female slaves …. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces….In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun."2

When we realize that the essence of life is not in power, performance, or possessions but in loving relationships—both with our fellow man and with God—and in appreciating the beauty of his creation, and fulfilling his purpose for our lives, we will have discovered what Solomon took a lifetime to learn.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, give me the wisdom to understand that the beauty and true meaning of life is not found in power, performance or possessions, but in loving relationships the human heart yearns for. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

Soul-Brother/Sister

Soul-Brother/Sister


"A friend loves at all times."1

In his book, Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen wrote, "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

These people I like to call soul-brothers or soul-sisters. These are friends with whom we can trust our very soul—warts and all. In fact, for healthy living and loving relationships, every woman (single or married) needs such a soul-sister. And every man (single or married) needs such a soul-brother.

Suggested prayer, "Dear God, please help me to be, and please give to me, such a friend. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

Relationships

Relationships


"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his [Jesus] coming back again is drawing near."1

I'm sure you've heard the old example of how to keep a fire burning in a fireplace. It's about keeping the burning logs and coals stoked together. Coals that fall away from the body of the fire soon become cold and their fire goes out.

This is an excellent illustration of why those who claim to be believers in Jesus need to be actively involved in a good church. To keep on fire; that is, enthusiastic, regarding our faith we need fellowship and connection with fellow Christians.

Furthermore, we were created for relationships. Christianity is not only having a right relationship with God, but also with others. Healthy relationships are vital for healthy living and meaningful growth—physical, emotional, and spiritual. We may exist but cannot live meaningfully and healthily in isolation.

God himself is in relationship: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. And one of the first things Jesus did at the commencement of his earthly ministry was to choose twelve "that they might be with him."2

We need not only to "walk with Jesus" but also with each other. None of us can make it alone. We weren't meant to. Likewise we need to belong to a fellowship filled with warm and loving Christians to help keep us "on fire" for God.

Note: Be sure to read the article, "What a Good Church Can Do for You" at http://tinyurl.com/bs9jf.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me to stay connected to loving and supportive Christians so I can stay enthusiastic about my Christian faith and 'on fire' for you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

Friendship

Friendship


"There are friends who 'pretend' to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."1

Many definitions have been given to describe friendship. Some time ago an English publication offered a prize for the best one, and, "A friend is one who understands our silence" was one of the thousands of entries. But the one that took first prize was this: "A friend—the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out."

To me, a true friend is one who knows all about you and loves you still, who gives you his or her presence, who listens with his or her heart and actually hears what you are saying—who accepts you for who you are and not for what you have or haven't done. A good friend is one who doesn't judge you, try to fix you, or tell you what you should do. He or she will appreciate your friendship and tell you so, will rejoice with you in your successes and weep with you in your sorrows. And, at times, a good friend will confront you and graciously point out a fault, but no matter what, he or she will stand by you. These friends are rare and precious.

But the greatest friend of all is the One who stepped out of the ivory palaces of heaven and came to earth as a man—clothed in a garment of human flesh—to identify with us, and who died on the cross to save us from our sins, to give us a free pardon and the gift of eternal life. He is "a friend who sticks closer than a brother" and will "never, not ever, no never leave us or forsake us."2 His love is absolutely total, unconditional, and eternal. His name is Jesus.

Prayer: "Dear Jesus, thank you that you are a friend of sinners and, as such, you have accepted me as a friend of yours. Help me to show my appreciation for your dying on the cross in my place by my living for you in every way possible. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."

Fathers Needed

Fathers Needed


"If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."1

Ron Farmer of the University of New South Wales (Australia) Psychology Department said, "Any man seeking too strenuously for recognition in his early adult life was likely to find that neglect of his family unit during that time would lead to an alienation from his wife and children at the time he most needed their affection and understanding."

As fathers we know we are to provide for our family's physical needs. But provision goes far beyond this. We are to model Christian fatherhood and provide for our family's spiritual needs as well. Equally important is to meet emotional needs, the absence of which is a major cause of many emotional ills and marriage breakdowns.

As fathers we need to be emotionally present and connected to our wives and children. However, if we're not connected to our own emotions and inner self, we cannot be emotionally connected to or intimate with our family. Of all the people I've worked with in recovery groups over the years who are struggling emotionally and/or are divorced, a large percentage of them say that their father was never there for them emotionally when they were growing up. They felt he was distant and lived in his own private world. They never really knew him for who he really was. In God's design it's not only mothers who are needed. Fathers play a vital role in the emotional, spiritual and sexual development of their children. When fathers don't meet their children's needs, their children are programmed for problems as adults—especially in the areas of emotional wellbeing, sexual identity, and interpersonal relationships.

Furthermore, as adults, many of these "emotionally undernourished children" project their feelings towards their earthly father onto God, the Heavenly Father, and feel that he, too, is distant, cold and not there for them. When we are not emotionally present and involved with our children we can, without realizing it, drive wedges between our precious children and God.

Being present for and emotionally involved with our spouse and our children physically, emotionally, and spiritually is critical for, and a vital part of, providing for our children's needs and the future of their children.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me as a father (parent) to be available today and every day to my spouse and to my children, and to give them my presence and undivided attention, so they will know without a shadow of a doubt that I love them. In so doing may they feel my love and affirmation at the very core of their being. And may they also know and feel your love and affirmation at the core of their being. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

Before You or Your Kids Say, “I Do.”

Before You or Your Kids Say, “I Do.”


“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”1

A Daily Encounter reader writes, “My son is seeing a young woman who is trying to force him to marry right away even though they hardly know each other. Is there any way I can advise him?”

As your son is legally an adult, there isn’t much you can do unless he seeks your counsel. If he were my son and asked for my counsel and is a Christian, the following is what I would do:

1. I would encourage him to pray earnestly for God's direction and especially that God would reveal to him the truth, both about himself and about his lady friend, and their relationship. When physical attraction and/or need is strong, couples are very often blind to reality, marry before they really know each other, and alas too late discover they made a big mistake. However, when seeing the truth before marriage, at least the one earnestly seeking the truth knows what he/she needs to do.

2. I would urge him to receive the best possible pre-marriage counseling with his potential life partner as this is an excellent way to see the truth about each other and to see if they are well suited for each other or otherwise.

3. I would warn him that anyone who is pushing to get married too soon and before receiving adequate pre-marriage counseling is either very needy and over-dependent and/or hiding a character weakness—possibly a serious one—and wants to hook a partner before his/her flaws are discovered.

4. If my son is a Christian and his lady friend is not—based on God’s Word I would let him know that this is a big NO-NO. As God's word wisely advises, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”2 For a healthy and strong relationship it is very important that both are emotionally mature and spiritually in harmony with each another.

5. Above all, I would encourage my son to earnestly seek God’s guidance regarding this relationship and to make sure he and his potential spouse pray together regularly and put God first in both their personal life and relationship should they decide to, or not to, marry. If they don’t do this before marriage, it isn’t too likely they will do it afterwards.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be a fine Christian example to my children so that they, seeing my life, will want you to be first in their life and always seek your guidance and seek to live in harmony with your will. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

A Father's Influence

A Father's Influence


"Fathers, do not exasperate [provoke to anger] your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4, NIV).

Many years ago a small Jewish boy asked his father, "Why must we surrender our Jewish faith and start to attend Lutheran services here in Germany?"

The father replied, "Son, we must abandon our faith so that people will accept us and support our business adventures!"

The young lad never got over his disappointment and bitterness. His faith in his father and in his religion were crushed. When the lad left Germany he went to England to study at the British Museum where he formed his philosophies for life. From those intensive investigations he wrote a book that changed the world called, The Communist Manifesto.

From that book one-third of the world fell under the spell of Marxist-Lenist ideology. The name of that little boy was Karl Marx. He influenced billions into a stream that for 70 years ruined, imprisoned and confused many lives. Today, that system of thinking is crumbling, but only after people got a good look at its tragic consequences. The influence of this father’s hypocrisy multiplied in infamy. Without godly faith, all of us are subject to distortions in our perspectives.1

As Pope John XXIII said, "It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father."

On the positive side of the coin, however, Mario Cuomo, the famous former Italian governor of New York, said, "I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work fifteen and sixteen hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from the bottoms of his feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone, unable to speak the language, who taught me all I needed to know about faith and hard work by the simple eloquence of his example."

Jim Valvano said, "My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me."

Speaking personally, my father had his struggles, was misunderstood by many (including myself), but he gave me what I believe was the greatest gift any child could ever receive—he took me to a church where I learned about God and His plan of eternal salvation through Jesus Christ my Lord.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, as a father [parent] please help me to so live that my children, seeing the example I set in following your ways and modeling what a real Christian should be, will want to follow my example to follow you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

A Father's Blessing

A Father's Blessing


"When Israel saw the sons of Joseph, he asked, 'Who are these?' 'They are the sons God has given me here,' Joseph said to his father. Then Israel said, 'Bring them to me so I may bless them.'"1

One of the major causes of emotional and relational conflicts among teens, adults, and even children is that of fatherless homes, absentee fathers, emotionally uninvolved fathers, and/or abusive fathers. In God's economy and plan fathers have an extremely important and significant role to play, not only providing for their children's physical needs, but also for their emotional and spiritual needs. Equally important is the God-given role of mothers, but today we are focusing on fathers.

Regardless of what women's libbers and/or gay couples try to tell us, one of the greatest needs for healthy homes and families—healthy children, teens, and healthy, mature adults—is to have (or to have had) a father who is/was not only present emotionally, but also affirming, loving, accepting, and loving and giving full support to his wife—the mother of his children—and modeling what it means to be a kind, loving and supportive father, man, and adult. Every child needs this, his/her father's blessing. The importance of this for the healthy nurturing of his children simply cannot be over-emphasized.

For a few simple tips on being a supportive father, listen to what Gary Smalley, popular author and psychologist, had to say after he asked 100 people, "What is one specific way you knew that you had received your father's blessing?"

Here are some of those answers:

1. "My father would put his arm around me at church and let me lay my head on his shoulder."

2. "When my father was facing being transferred at work, he purposely took another job so that I could finish my senior year in high school at the same school."

3. "When I wrecked my parent's car, my father's first reaction was to hug me and let me cry instead of yelling at me."

4. "When I was thirteen, my dad trusted me to use his favorite hunting rifle when I was invited to go hunting with a friend and his father."

5. "My father went with me when I had to take back an ugly dress a saleswoman had talked me into buying."

6. "My father would let me practice pitching to him for a long time when he got home from work."

7. "Even though I had never seen him cry before, my father cried during my wedding because he was going to miss my no longer being at home."2

Perhaps the greatest need of fathers is to be emotionally as well as physically present for his wife and children. At the same time, it's the multiplication of the everyday little loving, caring things over the years that help a child to feel affirmed and blessed by his/her father.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me to be the kind of father (or mother) you want me to be. And please help me to be a channel of your love, and because of your love flowing through me, grant that my children will know without a shadow of a doubt that they have indeed been blessed by their father. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

A Dirty Way to Fight

A Dirty Way to Fight


"Instead, we will lovingly follow the truth at all times—speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly—and so become more and more in every way like Christ."1

Having worked in the area of relationships for some time, I have discovered that one of the major problems (and challenges) seems to be the inability for couples to communicate and resolve conflict effectively. In fact, according to counselors, this is one of the major reasons why relationships fail.

Relationships are based more than anything on emotions. Men may disagree with me here but I don't think our female readers will. In my experience, the number one complaint I have heard from wives over the years (on both sides of the Pacific Ocean) is a variation on the theme, "My husband doesn't share his feelings with me and doesn't listen to or understand mine."Surprise? Surprise!

True, we men know how to put a man on the moon and how to talk to him while he is there, but some of us don't know how to effectively communicate with our wife or kids while we're in the same room!

However, it is not always we men who are at fault. Again, in my experience, nearly as many men as women bemoan the fact that their spouse withdraws when her feelings are hurt.

Withdrawal is a downright dirty way to fight.

It can be a form of passive hostility, self-pity, or self-justification. It can be caused by a fear of conflict, a fear of being dominated by the other person, or any of a number of other reasons. However, when one party withdraws, there is no possible chance for resolution. It's even worse when both parties withdraw.

What we need to learn is to "fight" like a Christian!

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be an effective communicator, to be honest with my feelings, never withdraw from conflict, and always speak the truth in love. Gratefully, in Jesus' name. Amen."

Keeper of the Stars

"Keeper of the Stars"


"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."1

Many ask the question, does God choose our life partner or is it up to us to make our own choice? My answer is "yes" and "no" in that God will give us wisdom and guidance if we seek it, but we are responsible for choosing the one we marry—at least this is so in Western culture.

There are a few country and western songs that I really like, one of which is by Tracy Byrd. It's "The Keeper of the Stars." Tracy (in my mind at least) is referring to God even if his theological terminology didn't quite come out of a seminary course.

In his song Tracy says:

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew
Now I just can't believe you're in my life
Heaven's smilin' down on me
As I look at you tonight.

I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars.

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew.2

The someone Tracy is referring to, in his words, is the "Keeper of the stars."

This is how I feel towards Joy, my wife—who has indeed helped make my life Joy-full. I also feel like "heaven's smilin' down on me."

Some would argue that finding a wife or husband for them has not been a good experience. In fact, it's been the opposite. What few fail to realize, however, is that no matter what kind of person we married, there were reasons in us why we were attracted to that person in the first place. And if we will take a long hard honest look at what we contributed to the failure of our marriage, God will use this to help us grow and become a much healthier person. And that's a good thing. The fact is that only healthy happy people find healthy happy partners, and have healthy happy marriages.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that you want me to become whole in every area of life so that I can enjoy and appreciate the abundant life of love, joy and peace (you promised your followers) and to find loving relationships. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Proverbs 18:22 (NIV).
2. Tracy Byrd, "Keeper of the Stars." http://tracybyrd.musiccitynetworks.com/ Copyright. Used by permission.

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Dr. Zakir NaikFocus On Islam

Islamic Research Foundation An International Resource Centre For Understanding And Clarification, On Islam And Comparative Religion. Islamic Research Foundation Provides For Free Hire And Sale, Video And Audio Cassettes, On Islam And Comparative Religion. This Being, The Largest And Best Collection Internationally. It Includes Films, Television Programmes, Documentaries, Qur’anic And Islamic Studies Programmes As Well As Interviews, Lectures, Symposia, Debates, Etc., Of World Renowned Speakers Like Shaikh Ahmed Deedat – South Africa, Dr. Zakir Naik- India, Dr. Jamal Badawi – Canada, Dr. Khalid Al-Mansoor – U.S.A., Brother Yusuf Islam – U.K., Brother Gary Miller – Canada, Dr. Israr Ahmed -Pakistan, Maulana Abdul Karim Parekh- India, And Many Others. Islamic Research Foundation Also Provides On Request, Free Literature On Islam And Comparative Religion. Please Phone, Call, Or Write To Islamic Research Foundation, 56/58, Tandel Street (North), Dongri, Mumbai 400 009.

(Azan Continued….)
(Dr. Mohammed) Bismillah Hiraman Nirrahim. We initiate today’s programme with the Qirat, the recitation from the Holy Qur’an by Brother Ashraf Muhammedy.
(Ashraf Mohammedy) (Arabic)…The translation from Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter 2 – verse 255. ‘I seek refuge with Allah from satan the accursed.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Allah, there is no God but He, the Living, the Self Subsisting, Eternal – No slumber can seize Him nor sleep. His are all the things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in His presence except as He permits. He knows what appears to His creatures, as before or after, or behind Him. Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge, except as He wills.

His throne does extend over the heavens and the earth, and He feels no fatigue in the guarding and preserving them, for He is the most High, the Supreme in glory’.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. ‘Say: O people of the Book come to common terms as between you and us. That we worship none but Allah, that we associate no partners with Him. That we erect not from amongst ourselves, Lords and patrons other than Allah.

If then they turn back, say: Bear witness that we at least are Muslims bowing to the will of Allah. Verily Allah has spoken the truth’.

(Dr. Muhammed) Respected brothers and sisters, Assalaam Alaiykum, May peace be upon you. On behalf of the Islamic Research Foundation, I Dr. Muhammad Naik, welcome all of you to today’s programme. As did I, you may too have read, two days back, in the sacred space of ‘The Times of India’, Mumbai, the following verses…And I quote…‘Hold fast all together, to God’s rope and be not divided among yourselves. Remember with gratitude, God’s favour on you, for you were enemies, and He joined your hearts in love – So that by His grace you became brethren. Let there arise out of you, one community, inviting to all that is good, enjoining what is right, and forbidding what is wrong’ - Holy Qur’an, Surah Al Imran, Ch. 3, verses 103 and 104. This quotation aptly represents, the Islamic Research Foundation’s striving for Islamic Dawa’h, the proper presentation, understanding and clarification of the message of Islam, amongst Muslims and Non-Muslims, as well as removing misconceptions about Islam, amongst Muslims and Non-Muslims. Reason, logic, and modern scientific understanding, are the basis of all our presentations. The IRF office complex has a Video cassette library, a Publication department, a Cable and Satellite Television production studio, an Audio Video Recording department, and a Computer department. It also has a multi purpose Audio Visual reading room, an Auditorium, a Sales Outlet called Islamic Dimensions, a Ladies’ Wing and a Children’s Wing. These provide the much needed facilities and services for understanding the overall excellence of Islam and its proper teachings. The IRF office complex and its facilities are open from 10.00 am to 8.30 p.m. daily, except Fridays. The regular programmes of the IRF include, organizing public lectures, followed by open question and answer sessions like this one today. Symposia, Open forum Interactions and other such programmes, Providing more than 3500 video cassette titles on Islam and comparative religion to the public, on free hire. Free distribution of more than 50 publications on Islam, on request. Distribution of the Holy Qur’an with translation for understanding the message of God, meant for the whole of humankind. Regular interactions internationally on the Internet for presenting the proper message of Islam as well as removing misconceptions about Islam. The IRF also has its own web site for providing information and clarifications about Islam. Through the cable TV relay networks in Mumbai alone, The IRF videocassettes, on Islam reach more than one million homes daily, for approximately 3 hours. The ATN satellite TV channel, telecasts IRF programmes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 6 to 6.30 A.M. Indian Standard Time across 68 countries of the world. The NEPC satellite TV channel and other TV channels too telecast IRF programmes regularly. Dr. Zakir Naik, though a medical doctor by professional training, has devoted himself for analyzing Islam, and other religions objectively to understand and spread the real truth, understanding and clarifications about religion, as a way of life. He is an International orator on Islam and Comparative Religion. In fact in the last one year itself, in addition to his many talks in India, Dr. Zakir has delivered more than 160 public talks abroad, in the United States of America, Canada, the United Kingdom, South Africa, Singapore, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia, Srilanka and Bahrain. He will Inshallah leave, next weekend for a series of public talks in Kuwait. He is acclaimed widely for his logical, reasonable and scientific approach towards his subject. He is appreciated for his comparative knowledge of Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity and Islam, specially for his verbatim quotations from Religious Scriptures. ‘Concept of God in Major Religions’ – Why have we chosen this topic? We not only need to understand and realize what God is, and what are His qualities, but also… and it is very important…we need to know, what God certainly is not. Brothers and Sisters, to promote better understanding and integration on similarities between religions, as well as living in real harmony along with the differences, the Islamic Research Foundation presents today’s, talk on ‘Concept of God in Major religions’ by Dr. Zakir Naik.

(Dr. Zakir) (Arabic)…Respected Elders and my dear Brothers and Sisters, I welcome all of you with the Islamic greetings, Assalmu Alikum Wa Rahmatullahi, Wa Barakathu. May Peace, Blessings and Mercy of Almighty God be on all of you. The Non-Muslims may be wondering that, what was I murmuring or uttering in the beginning of my talk. I was not trying to mesmerize you, or hypnotize you, but I was reciting few verses of the Holy Qur’an from Surah Taha, Ch. No. 20, verses No. 25 and 28. When Allah Subhana Wa Taala, Almighty God asks Prophet Moses (peace be upon him) to deliver the message to the Pharoah, Moses (peace be upon him), he prays to Almighty God, Allah Subhana Wa Taala, and recites these verses. (Arabic)…. ‘Oh my Lord expand my breast for me, Expand my center for me, (Arabic)… And make my task easy for me,(Arabic)… And remove the impediment from my speech’. Since we know that Prophet Moses (peace be upon him) was a stamerer, was a stuterer – So he prays to the Almighty God to remove the stamering, to loosen his tongue, as well as remove the barrier, if there is any between him, and the person to whom he is going to deliver the message. If a person is giving a talk, on other religions, those people in the audience who do not belong to that religion, they may think that this person is going to speak against their Religion. For example, if suppose, a Hindu is giving a talk on other Religions, the Non-Hindus may feel that, he is going to speak against my Religion. If a Christian is giving a talk on other Religions, the Non-Christians may feel that, he is going to speak against my religion. Similarly, I being a Muslim, when I am giving a talk on other Religions, the Non-Muslims may feel, that I am going to speak against their Religion. That is the reason, I am praying to Allah Subhana Wa Taala, Almighty God, to loosen my tongue as well as remove the impediment, the barrier – mental or otherwise, if there is any, between me and you. The topic of this morning’s talk is… ‘Concept of God in Major Religions’. ‘Religion’… according to the Oxford Dictionary means…‘A belief in a Super Human controlling power, especially a personal God or gods, that deserve obedience and worship’. The Qari, Brother Ashraf Muhamedy, he recited few verses of the Holy Qur’an from Surah Al Imran, Ch. No.3, V. No. 64, which says…(Arabic)… ‘Say to the people of the book’ (Arabic)… ‘that come to common terms as between us and you’ Which is the first term? (Arabic)…‘that we worship none but Allah’. (Arabic)…‘that we associate no partners with Him’. (Arabic)…‘that we erect not among ourselves, Lords and Patrons, other than Allah’. (Arabic)…‘if then they turn back’. (Arabic)…‘say we bear witness’. (Arabic)… ‘that we are Muslims bowing our will to Allah Subhana Wa Taala’. This is a verse of the Holy Qur’an which shows you a way how to speak with people of different communities. It says : (Arabic)…‘That came to common terms as between us and you’. Which is the first term? (Arabic)….‘That we worship none but Allah’ (Arabic)… ‘that we associate no partners with Him’. One thing common in all the Major Religions of the world is, that the God they worship, they believe He is the same God for them, as well as for the others. For eg… the God which the Hindus worship, they believe He is the same God for the Hindus as well as for the Non-Hindus. The God which the Christians worship, they believe He is the same God, for the Christians as well as for the Non-Christians. Similarly the God…Allah Subhana Wa Taala which we Muslims worship, we believe He is the same Allah Subhana Wa Taala for the Muslims, as well as for the Non-Muslims. The Major Religions of the world can be broadly classified as : Semetic Religions and Non Semetic Religions. The Non Semetic Religions are further divided into Aryan and the Non Aryan Religions. The Semetic Religions are those Religions that are followed by the Semites. Who are the Semites? The Semites are the descendents of ‘Shem’, who was the son of Prophet Noah (Peace be upon him) which is mentioned in the Bible, in the book Genesis, Ch. No. 5 and Ch.No. 11. So Semetic Religions are those Religions, that are followed by the Jews, by the Arabs, by the Asyrians by the Ponysians – who speak Hebrew, Aramaic, Arabic, Acadians, Ponysians, etc. The major amongst the Semetic Religions are, Judaism, Christianity and Islam – all of which are Prophetic Religions. The Non Sematic Religions are further divided into Aryan and Non-Aryan Religions. The Aryan Religions, are the Religions followed by the Aryans – a group of Indo-European speaking community, which spread in Iran and Northern India, in the 1st half of the 2nd millenium B.C, that is 2000 to 1500 B.C. The Aryan Religion is further divided into Vedic and Non – Vedic Religion. The Vedic religion is ‘Brahaminism’ which has been given the misnomer of Hindusium. The Non-Vedic Religions, are Sikhism, Buddism, Jainism, etc. Amongst the Non-Aryan Religions, we have those of the Chinese origin like ‘Taoism’, ‘Confusism’, etc – those of the Japanese origin, like ‘Shintuism’, etc. But most of these Religions, they do not have a concept of God. Therefore they are preferably called as ethical systems, instead of Religions. As far as my talk today will be concerned, I will be speaking about the Concept of God in Major Religions, of ‘Semetic’ and ‘Aryan’ origin. To understand the concept of God, the best and the most accurate way is to analyze their Religious Scriptures, and understand what it has to speak about God. Trying to analyze the concept of God, by looking at the followers is not always correct, because most of the followers they themselves do not know what their Scripture speaks about God. So let us, analyze today, the concept of God in Major Religions by analyzing their Religious Scriptures. First we will discuss the Aryan Religion. Hinduism is the most popular of all the Aryan religions. And if you ask a common Hindu, that… How many gods does he believe in? Some may say 3, some may say 33, some may say a 1000, while the others may say, 33 crores, 330 million. But if you ask, a Hindu learned man, who knows his Religious Scriptures, he will tell you that a Hindu should actually believe, only in God. The major difference between the common Hindu and the Muslim is that, the common Hindu believes in a Philosophy known as ‘Pantheism’ – that is, everything is god. The tree is god, the sun is god, the moon is god, the snake is god, the monkey is god, the human beings are god. The Muslim believes that everything is God’s – GOD with an Apostofy ‘S’, everything belongs to God. The tree belongs to God, the sun belongs to God, the moon belongs to God, the snake belongs to God, the monkey belongs to God, the human beings belong to God. So the major difference between the common Hindu and the Muslim, is the Apostofy ‘S’. The Hindus say, everything is God, and we Muslims say everything is God’s – God with a Apostofy ‘S’. If we can solve this difference of Apostofy ‘S’, the Hindus and the Muslims will be united. How do you do it? As the Qur’an says… (Arabic)….. ‘That come to common terms as between us and you’. Which is the first term? (Arabic)…‘that we worship none but Allah’, (Arabic)… ‘that we associate no partners with Him’. So let us analyze the concept of God in Hinduisum, by analyzing their Religious Scriptures. The most popular amongst all the Hindu Religious Scriptures, is the ‘Bhagwat Geeta’. This is a copy of Bhagwat Geeta – In the IRF we have Alhamdulillah, more than 30 different translations only of Bhagwat Geeta. The Bhagwat Geeta says in Ch. No. 7, V. No.20 ‘That those whose intelligence has been stolen by material desires, they worship the demi gods’ – That means the materialistic people, they worship demi gods – That means not the true Almighty God. The Upanishads are the other Sacred Scriptures of the Hindus. It is mentioned in the Chandogya Upanishad, Ch.No. 6, Section No. 2, Verse No.1. ‘God is one only… ‘Akam Avidetuim’… not a second’ That means – There is only God, He doesn’t have any partner, He is alone. Same as the Holy Qur’an which is mentioned in Surah Ikhlas, Ch. No. 112, V. No.1, (Arabic)… ‘Say He is Allah, one and only’. It is mentioned in the Sweta Sutara Upanishad, Ch. No. 6, Verse No.9, ‘Na Kasia Kasji Janita Nakadipa’, which means….‘Of Him there is no parents, nor Lord’ He has got no parents, He has got no masters – That means, He alone is sufficient, He is not dependent on anyone else. As the Holy Qur’an says in Surah Ikhlas, Ch. No.112, V. No.3, (Arabic)…‘He begets not nor is He begotten’ The quotation I gave from ‘Upanishads’, was translated by S. Radha Krishnan, and we have other translations also in our foundation. Further, if you read in the Sweta Sutara Upanishads, Ch. No. 4, V

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Arsi Mushaf ,Salami,Rukhsati,Kheer Chatai,RunumaBridal Nighti or Face Showing,

Arsi Mushaf
The Arsi Mushaf is the occasion when the bridegroom first sees the face of the bride in a mirror held between them. Arsi means a mirror and Mushaf means the Holyu Quran. The holy Quran is placed along with the mirror for seeking divine blessing for both. A candle is held under the shawl spread over the heads of both. The groom is also asked to write the Surat-Ikhas (a Holy verse) on the forehead of his wife with the right hand pointing finger known as Kalmey-ki-unglee.

Salami
When the Arsi Mushaf ceremony is over, the bridegroom salutes (salam) the elders and gets presents and money from them. The presents and cash are known as Salami.

Rukhsati
Before the Rukhsati, the Jahej (dowry), which generally includes clothes, ornaments, furniture, utensils, etc and in some cases cash given to the bride by her parents, as well as presents from his friends and relatives, are displayed.

Kheer Chatai
In this, the bride and groom are seated face to face and some kheer (milk pudding) is put in a plate, before them. The groom puts a spoon full of Kheer into the bride's mouth. Then comes the turn of the bride.

Runumai or Face Showing
The face showing ceremony (Runumai) takes place after the ceremony of Kheer Chatai when close relatives and female friends of the groom's family look at the bride's face and offer presents in cash or kind.

Bridal Night
A secluded room is decorated with flowers and buntings, etc., for the newly-wedded pair and the bride and groom are left in the chamber.

Walima Feast
Walima Feast is also of religious significance. The father or the guardian of the groom gives this feast at his residence generally on the next day of the marriage. Relatives, friends, acquaintances, Beradari fellows and mohalla people attend this feast.

Chowthi
It is said the first feast after marriage in the house of the bride. At this ceremony also the bride and groom sit opposite each other and a female companion of the bride, who remains under a veil, put some vegetables and fruits in the hands of the bride and then holding her wrists, throw them in the lap of the groom. He also repeats the same. This is known as Chowthi and after the bride and the groom have played, the young ones of both sides are divided in two and stop the same. Slender sticks wrapped in flowers are also used to strike each other. After the elders pronounce the command to stop, all sit down laughing, talking and enjoying jokes. The groom then receives amount in cash amounts as well as some presents.

Chalas
Chalas denote feasts for the groom and the bride, given in succession by the near relatives, chiefly from the bride's side. The uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters each invite the pair for lunch/dinner and also give presents.

CELEBRATIONS
Music & Dance
The Dominies or house-hold dancing girls dance in the Zenana (women's apartment) demand Gur-Chawal also before starting their dance. They naver sing in the assembly of men. They cut jokes at the cost of the Samdhans (female near relatives of the bride and the groom) at each other's house. On the wedding night also they recite satirical and facetious songs relating to the guests and relatives of the groom which provide good amusement to the hearers.

Cuisine
Wedding feast has fancy dishes like the welcome juice, Non-vegetarian dishes, mutton and chicken Biriyanis, Salad, Pickle, dessert, etc.

SOME STRANGE CUSTOMS
Halja
After the marriage, puris are cooked in ghee and the cost so incurred is contributed by all the relatives, friends and neighbours. The master of the family contributes the largest amount but receives the same share as given to others

Nikah

Nikah
Invited guests and relations assemble at the bridegroom's place on the Nikah day when the groom wears the clothes received from the bride's side. Sehra (a flower veil) is tied to the groom's forehead by the brother-in-law, who in return receives some cash as a present from the elders of the family. The Parjas i.e. Barber, Sweeper, Washerman, gardener, tailor and domestic servants, etc., are given money and clothes to mark the auspicious occasion. The baarat then proceeds to the house of the bride.

Before the Nikah, dried dates, sugar and Nuqal are placed before the bridegroom. One of the Mujtahids represents the groom while the other represents the bride's side. If the settlement of the Maher has not taken place before, it is done on this occasion. The bride's Mujtahid, goes to the bride in the woman's apartment and asks her three times whether she accepts the person concerned as her husband, with the amount of Maher as settled and generally she answers in the affirmative. Then the Mujtahids from the bride's side comes and takes his seat in the assembly. Then the Mujtahids of the groom's side asks the groom three times whether he accepts the woman concerned as his wife with the amount of Maher as settled and he answers in the affirmative. After this is done the Mujtahids of the bride's side recites the Khutba (religious discourse) and then both the Mujtahids pronounce the Sigha of Nikah, and some responsible persons from amongst the audience sign on the Nikahnama (marriage deed) as the witness. Thus the Nikah is completed. Sehra (sort of poetry) is also recited in the praise of the poets in praise of the groom and his family on this occasion.

Sanchaq

Sanchaq
Sanchaq includes jewelleries and costly clothes which are sent from the groom's house to the bride for use on the occasion of Nikah and Chowthi (another ceremony after Nikah). In Sanchaq, articles like, Nuth (nose ring), Tika (forehead ornament), Ring, Suhag Pura (make-up goods for the day of Nikah), garlands, Nuqals (a preparation of sugar), dried fruits, etc., are also included.

The procession of Sanchaq contains music bands and all sorts of articles in large pans known as Khawans covered with gorgeous wrappings, the chief being a Matki or a jar with curd in it and fish tied to the neck of this jar.

Manjha

Manjha
Manjha is a ceremony that starts a few days before the actual Nikah ceremony. The bride wears yellow clothes and in some of the families, the bridegroom is also dressed in yellow clothes. During these days the Nawan (Barber's wife) in the case of the bride, in Nai (Barber) in the case of the groom rubs Butna (grounded mustard seeds) on the bride's and bridegroom's bodies and each in his or her own house and they take their bath daily after that. This is continued after upto the day of Nikah. The bride is confined in a separate room, which is avoided by male members who are older than her. In the case of groom, it is necessary that during Manjha he should not go out of his house, but few are able to observe this restriction. Girl friends and relatives entertain the bride with jokes and humour.

Among the Muslims, both at the residence of the bride and of the groom, women of both the sides sing to the accompaniment of the Dholak (Drum). Grinded Mehendi (Myrtle)is applied to the hands and feet of the bride of the bride before the actual marriage ceremony takes place, and in some families it is also pasted on the hands of the groom.

Manjha is sent from the bride's side and it is the first occasion when specially the women of both sides meet one another in close familiarity. The Manjha is taken out in a procession with music bands. The main articles sent on such an occasion are the yellow robes of silk satin with golden fringes and embroidery. Sweets and pindis (sugar preparations) are also sent in trays to be used by the groom to improve his health and are eaten with milk. The pindis contain varieties of dried kernels of fruit and gum shaped into round balls. They are also distributed among friends and relatives as a token of intimation of the coming marriage.

MARRIAGE THROUGH THE AGES

MARRIAGE THROUGH THE AGES
Islam does not permit inter-religious marriages. Muslims used to give preference to cousins because of some considerations like - pride of lineage and notions of purity of blood; family solidarity; the prospect of the Jahez or dowry given to the daughter at the time of marriage remaining in the same family.

Family consideration is the most important factor, which is split into two categories - consideration pertaining to the bridegroom, and consideration pertaining to the bride. The groom is supposed to be qualified, hailing from status family, employed and of good nature. Whereas the bride has to be good looking, well-behaved and possess good health. She must be also trained in household management responsibilities.

MATCH MAKING
Like many other communities of the world, Muslims too give preference or priority to certain of their kin while settling marriage. Due to some socio-cultural factors "cousins" occupy a significant place in the matrimonial alliances and hence they evolved "cross cousin" and "parallel cousin" marriages, which are still popular. The most probable reason for these sort of matrimonial alliances is that siblings separated by marriage yearn to remain close to each other and hence they want their children to intermarry and give the demonstration of "sibling solidarity."

The procedure of selection of the marriage partners is considered to be the most important factor: they give every possible attention to this basic point. The match-making could be done among cousins but it is not always possible. In most cases, it is the elderly ladies of the families concerned who take the lead in the matter. They consider it their foremost duty to suggest marriage proposals for the marriageable girls and boys. Other members of the family are also on the lookout for suitable young people. The elderly ladies of the two parties, when they meet at some function or other the opportunity is availed of to discuss the possibility of an alliance. As it is a family matter and previously contemplated, both parties give authority to an elderly lady who settles a date for a talk between the families.

Another procedure is through interested friends and relatives, especially when a suitable match is not available amongst near-relations. The third procedure is by ascertaining a suitable match through servants, fruit and sweet vendors, barber's wife and the like who move among several families and are able to render service to various families.

In the present society, though the old role of the parents still prevails, under the influence of Western education more and more people consider it proper to take the consent of the young people directly or indirectly with the help of friends and cousins. Matrimonial ads and marriage bureaus are increasingly being used.

Negotiation starts after initiation through intermediaries and friends, and when concurrence has been reached in settlement , they become more and more defined and details are discussed and a day fixed for the final settlement.

It is the bridegroom's party that takes the initiative and makes the proposal for the marriage. But nowdays, the bride's party takes the initiative and makes the proposal for the marriage.

As in initiation, so in negotiations, elderly ladies, mutual friends and close relatives play prominent role. Apart from them, a unique personality known as Mushatta was accustomed to play a great role in the marriage negotiations. A Mushatta is a working woman visiting well-to-do families to help young girls to complete their toilet, etc. Because of their close associations and unchallenged access to different families and mixing with them, they used to gain close and deep knowledge of the status of the different families, the character of the individuals and their behaviour.

COSTUMES
The wedding dress for the girl includes a Sharara, which is a long following skirt and blouse. There is a dupatta to cover the head. The groom wears a Sherwani or a traditional salwar and kurta. But there are no hard and fast rules here.

RITUALS
Rituals Before Marriage
Istikhara and Imam-Zamin
Muslims complete the negotiation process with the ceremony of Istikhara. In this, it is customary to take the consent of God for concluding the negotiation matter. Here, the Mujtahid (Religious Head) obtains the consent of God with the help of a Tasbih (Rosary) and when the Istikhara is wajib (super affirmative), it is considered that the marriage between the parties should be finally settled. The mother of the boy or some other close woman relative (if the mother is dead), accompanied by her female friends and relations , pays a visit to the house of the girl with sweets and Imam Zamin to see the girl immediately after Istikhara.

The guardians of the girl accept the sweets and entertain them with refreshments. In most cases the girl is adorned and the women of the boy's family see the girl's face for the first time and the mother of the boy ties the Imam Zamin round the upper portion of he bride's right arm ( a silver or gold coin wrapped in a silken cloth). This ceremony is called the Imam Zamin ceremony.

Mangni (Betrothal)
Mangni is a popular marriage ceremony, which is fast making its presence felt at all Indian marriages. In this ceremony, the female members of the boy's family visit the house of the girl, taking with them sweets, fruits and vegetables. The sweets are distributed among the relatives and friends of the girl's family. In return sweets, fruits and vegetables are sent to the boy's house and there also sweets are distributed among the relatives and friends of the boy's family. Exchanging rings between the groom and the bride does also take place.

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Honeymoon

Honeymoon

Planning a Honeymoon is the best part of the wedding. Some people spend less on the wedding and more toward the honeymoon, because that’s where the newly wed enjoy it and remember it.




You want to make a Honeymoon Romantic & Exciting.



First you would need to sit down and decided where you want to go? And how you want to spend?

You should always sit together and decide as it creates more romance and love.




1) You have few choices! - Resort, Cruise or Honeymoon Destination.



Each has their own advantage. But the one that has the highest is a cruise. That because it gives you flexibility and various destinations.



A Resort or a Honeymoon destination would just give you one place; where as a cruise visits different places. So you can explore new places and at the same time enjoy all the benefits of a Resort. A cruise honeymoon can last from 7 nights to 21 nights, depending on the package you pick and how many days you can take off from work and of course your wallet.




2) Places to Visit.



European Cruises - Romantic

Italy, France, London, Spain & Barcelona



Atlantic Cruises - Romantic with a spice of excitement

Hawaii, Aruba, Barbados, Caribbean’s & Key Islands.




3) Adding Spice to Your Honeymoon.

Candle Light Dinner

Roses on the Bed

Do things for each other

More Coming Soon!



4) What if you are working and cannot take a full honeymoon?



It best to discuss that between yourselves and find the best option. You may want to take a shorter one

follow by a longer one later.

Wedding List

Wedding List



Weddings are special and auspicious occasions. Each one of us wants to have a wedding that will be remembered for years to come. However, this is only possible if all the preparations for the wedding are perfect. There is a huge amount of planning needed in order to achieve this. Right from choosing a venue for the wedding to inviting guests; there is a lot that goes into a wedding. It does not matter what type of wedding you have decided to have; it what you want to make it as. Below is a list that you can customize to your needs.



Wedding planning is traditionally done by the Bride side. Brides are very particular where as Grooms generally prefer simple!



Leave it to the Bride Leave It To The Groom

Wedding Hall DJ's
Engagement Photographers
Sangeet Videographers
Beautician Grooms Wedding Dress
Pandit Grooms Engagement Dress
Invitation Cards Grooms Reception Dress
Wedding Garlands Limo for Reception
Florist Groom Guest List
Decorations Manglesutra
Wedding Cake Engagement Ring
Engagement Ring Reception Hall
Reception Night Hotel
Bride Wedding Dress
Bride Engagement Dress
Bride Reception Dress
Bride Guest List

10 Tips for Marriage After Divorce

In a marriage after divorce, one or both partners may bring painful past experiences into the relationship. Here are 10 tips to make remarriage successful.

After a family divorce, people may be more cautious about relationships and remarriage – making second marriages a bit more difficult to enjoy freely. "When you've been hurt, it's hard to let yourself be vulnerable again," say the authors of Making Marriage Work for Dummies.
Chances of marriage after divorce

If you're a divorced woman with small children, your chances of marriage after divorce are small compared to divorced women without kids, divorced men, and never-married people. "Divorcees in particular would rather not live with a partner, whereas people who have only cohabitated in the past still want that. Previous divorce experiences affect the preferences of women more profoundly than those of men," cites Science Daily in the article "Divorce Reduces Chances of New, Successful Relationship."

But marriage after divorce not only happens, it can be wildly successful!
10 tips for marriage after divorce

Settle your first marriage. In addition to the financial, social, and geographical considerations, make sure you're emotionally ready to be in a new relationship.

Understand your mistakes. Figure out your weaknesses and mistakes in your first marriage, and make sure you don't repeat them in your second marriage.

Get to know your partner. Take this second marriage as an opportunity to really get to know your new lover on a deeper level.

Let yourself be known. Be vulnerable, open and honest about your fears and hopes. Share yourself without fear of failure or getting hurt.

Go to premarital counseling. Seek an objective counseling session(s) to lay the foundation for a strong remarriage.

Start fresh. Build your marriage after divorce in a new house or neighborhood – move away from a small town or community. Don't let old ghosts haunt your remarriage.

Develop new routines. Get out of your first marriage rut by developing new habits and traditions to make your remarriage successful.

Practice flexibility. If you've been divorced or single a long time, you may have your own set routines. Be open to change and compromise, and making adjustments in your remarriage.

Deal with money issues. Many remarriages are difficult because of child support payments, alimony, etc. If money issues are problematic, get a divorce mediator or financial consultant to help settle financial issues fairly.

Leave the negativity behind. Focus on a successful remarriage without being dragged down with thoughts of failure or divorce a second time.

The Importance of Keeping Your Connection in Your Second Marriage

A second (or third or fourth) marriage can happen anytime in your life and it's what you do to keep that marriage alive that determines whether it lasts or not. One of the secrets to creating a great second marriage is to keep your connection strong and alive. Here's a great story about one of our friends that illustrates this point...

When we saw our friend Elizabeth, she was absolutely glowing! Not only was she glowing, but she was excited about her life in a way we've never seen. Elizabeth, who is in her middle to late sixties, has reconnected with a man who she went on a double date with fifty years ago and they are getting married soon--a second marriage for both of them.

As she told and showed us how happy she was, we couldn't help but think about the power of connection and how important it is in marriage. In Kenny and Julia Loggins' book "The Unimaginable Life," Kenny said, "We all long for love. Everything else is just killing time." The same thing could be said about the importance of feeling connected in our lives.

Connection is different for every single person and different for every relationship--but when it's happening you know it.

Connection is especially important in second marriages. More than likely, your first marriage dissolved because your connection had disappeared You had either grown apart or had become so angry at each other that you could no longer live together.

In any case, connection is usually what disappeared first--and it probably happened in various ways.

When you talk about connection, you have to talk about what it means to both people.

The differences between how one person wants to connect compared to how another person connects can be a real problem in any type of relationship, especially marriages. One person might want to talk about their day when they come home with the person they are living with and the other person wants some space and doesn't want to talk.

Resentments can build and even though the two people might love or care deeply about one another, there's very little connection because of the walls they've built between them. If you'd like to connect more in your second marriage, here are a few ideas to help you do that...

1. Open yourself to connecting.

Don't shut yourself off physically or emotionally from people or situations. It's pretty easy to bury yourself in television, the internet or just plain busyness as a way to distract yourself and keep you separate from those you love. Opening yourself to connection might be something as simple as stopping your "doing" and looking directly into the eyes of someone you love when you are talking with them.

2. Don't make assumptions about what you think people are thinking, saying or doing. If in doubt, ask from a place of genuinely wanting to find out more rather than judging.

3. Adopt an attitude that fosters connection.

Attitudes that stop connection are--

"I'm right. You're wrong"

"I'm better (smarter, prettier) than you"

"If you'd only do it this way, everything would be fine"

Attitudes that create connection are--

"What can I learn from you?"

"You're important to me."

"My way is not the only way. Tell me your ideas."

4. Search for common interests that excite you.

Focus on the "overlap" between the two of you--

where you have points of similarities rather than

focusing on how very different you are.

5. Talk about how you would like to connect. Don't

leave it up to chance and hope that it all works

out.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that connection

always happens by accident and that it's unimportant--even in your second marriage.

Connection requires both of you to be active participants in the process. You can't sit around and hope that you find a connection with each other. You have to make it.

Stranger Around Muslims and Non-Muslims!

Stranger Around Muslims and Non-Muslims!
(The experiences of a Muslim youth, by an anonymous 16 year old Muslim, Texas)


‹Islam began as something strange and it will return to being strange as it began. So Toobaa (glad tidings) to the strangers.› —Prophet Muhammad (S) [Muslim]

I never felt like a stranger when I was in Kindergarten — I guess I was too young to understand. It wasn't until first grade that I remember feeling different. While my classmates were at Music Class, I stayed behind in our classroom. I sat at my desk watching my teacher grade papers, wondering why I wasn't with the rest. Sure, I understood music was haraam…but why was *I* the one who had to be different from everyone else? I asked myself the infamous question over and over. Why ME?

A month later, I dejectedly watched all my friends and classmates march proudly around the room -- and then the whole school — in their pumpkin, cats, witches, and ghosts costumes, hating the fact that I was the one who had to be Muslim -- and different. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentines, and Easter were no different. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, it was the same.

At home and after school, with the few Muslim friends I had in that remote Iowan town, the feeling would be gone and I would think to myself that being Muslim was the greatest thing in the world. Didn't my father just tell me the story of Ibrahim (AS) last night? The one who, at first, was all alone with his Islam? Yet he knew he had Allah. And what about the stories of strong, wise Umar, kind, gentle, truthful Abu Bakr, Allah-fearing, brave Bilal? With them, who needed Santa Clause, St.Valentines, and the Easter bunny-rabbit? They have Thanksgiving to thank God with — we have all year. But once in the classroom, surrounded by my friends and fellow students as they chattered excitedly about what they got for Christmas or where they were going for Easter, the beautiful stories and thoughts were gone, replaced with bitter resentment of my religion.

By fifth grade, things were somewhat better. I was a little older, understood a bit more, but the feeling was always there, especially powerful when I would hand slumber or birthday party invitations back to the owner and tell them politely that I was busy at so and so date. Or when, occasionally in the late spring, classmates would wonder aloud why I never wore shorts or mini skirts.

Up until around fourth grade, my friends were mostly boys. I learned early on that unless you fit in completely, it was hard to become close to most of the girls. They always formed cliques and, especially in the early years, "special clubs". With the boys, it wasn't the same. I secretly thought that usually the girls were awfully dull — boys were always much more exciting. But by the time they were 9 and 10, the boys were starting to form interest in the girls and vise versa. So from then on I was fully an outsider. I fit in with neither group.

I began wearing the scarf that year, but al-hamdulillah, all praise to Allah, it was one of the few things I was extremely honored about doing. I had gone to that same school since first grade so everyone knew me, and it came as no big surprise, seeing my mom come and go with the full hijaab, that I too, would wear it someday. It made it even easier that I never was into clothes, hair or personal appearance, as most of the girls were at that early age of 10 and 11.

During the summer before sixth grade, we moved to another state and my parents decided to home school me, the educational level in the schools at the state not being very high. Al-hamdullilah because it was one of the best choices they ever made. It gave me a full year to learn about myself and why I am here on earth in the first place. I had a lot more awareness and confidence in my religion and myself by the seventh grade, when my father's job forced us to move yet again to another town and I was put back into the public school. This time I was placed in a predominantly African-American school (it had a language-teaching program, Arabic being one of the languages taught), completely opposite from the all-white school I had gone to all my life. Al-hamdulillah, the change was for the better -- they were a lot more accepting of minorities and differences in that school. That wasn't the only "change-for-the-better". This time the issue wasn't the hating of being different. Now, there was a change in me. I hated the way my classmates acted, the things they talked about, the way they dressed. The bottom line was that I hated being with the kufaar. Finally, I loved being different.

That year was the last year I went to public school. My parents decided to home school me from then on, at last fully realizing the effect of public school. "I don't have to be The Stranger anymore!" I remember excitedly writing in my journal in the beginning of eighth grade. Little did I know.

The next year we moved to a city with a large Muslim community. I was really excited, thinking that now, at long last, I would fit in, be where I belonged. I felt like it was a dream come true. And it was…but only partly, if not less.

Every now and then, while I'm talking with another Muslim about how music is forbidden, or why we shouldn't go to the movie theater, or why it's better to wear jilbaab and not just a long skirt and shirt, or why we have to follow the Prophet (S)'s sunnah and not just the Qur'an, I get this sudden pang of, "I'm so different, so strange! WHY?" Sometimes when I'm sitting with a group of Muslim girls around my age, talking, maybe laughing and joking, when the conversation somehow turns to Will Smith or Madonna or the latest make-up tip in Seventeen, a sudden chill goes through my body and I feel as though they're, the lot of them, one thing and I am another. "I'm among Muslims now but I'm still an outsider," I think as I watch them.

But it's not like the years before when I would dislike who I was because I was different. Because now I smile and find strength in remembering the words of Allah's Messenger (S), ‹Glad tidings are for the strangers.›

Note:

All praise is due to Allah Who guided this sister to the safety of His religion. How few stories there are like hers! Let no Muslim parent think that his child "will be fine" living and growing up in the West. Most children (the sister above is a rare exception) who go through the school systems in America or Europe are unable to withstand the corrupting influences of "peer pressure" and an unislaamic education. We ask Allaah to make it easy for us to raise our children in supportive, positive Muslim environments, as He says in the Qur'aan (translated): «Oh you who believe, save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones….» (At-Tahreem)