MARRIAGE THROUGH THE AGES

MARRIAGE THROUGH THE AGES
Islam does not permit inter-religious marriages. Muslims used to give preference to cousins because of some considerations like - pride of lineage and notions of purity of blood; family solidarity; the prospect of the Jahez or dowry given to the daughter at the time of marriage remaining in the same family.

Family consideration is the most important factor, which is split into two categories - consideration pertaining to the bridegroom, and consideration pertaining to the bride. The groom is supposed to be qualified, hailing from status family, employed and of good nature. Whereas the bride has to be good looking, well-behaved and possess good health. She must be also trained in household management responsibilities.

MATCH MAKING
Like many other communities of the world, Muslims too give preference or priority to certain of their kin while settling marriage. Due to some socio-cultural factors "cousins" occupy a significant place in the matrimonial alliances and hence they evolved "cross cousin" and "parallel cousin" marriages, which are still popular. The most probable reason for these sort of matrimonial alliances is that siblings separated by marriage yearn to remain close to each other and hence they want their children to intermarry and give the demonstration of "sibling solidarity."

The procedure of selection of the marriage partners is considered to be the most important factor: they give every possible attention to this basic point. The match-making could be done among cousins but it is not always possible. In most cases, it is the elderly ladies of the families concerned who take the lead in the matter. They consider it their foremost duty to suggest marriage proposals for the marriageable girls and boys. Other members of the family are also on the lookout for suitable young people. The elderly ladies of the two parties, when they meet at some function or other the opportunity is availed of to discuss the possibility of an alliance. As it is a family matter and previously contemplated, both parties give authority to an elderly lady who settles a date for a talk between the families.

Another procedure is through interested friends and relatives, especially when a suitable match is not available amongst near-relations. The third procedure is by ascertaining a suitable match through servants, fruit and sweet vendors, barber's wife and the like who move among several families and are able to render service to various families.

In the present society, though the old role of the parents still prevails, under the influence of Western education more and more people consider it proper to take the consent of the young people directly or indirectly with the help of friends and cousins. Matrimonial ads and marriage bureaus are increasingly being used.

Negotiation starts after initiation through intermediaries and friends, and when concurrence has been reached in settlement , they become more and more defined and details are discussed and a day fixed for the final settlement.

It is the bridegroom's party that takes the initiative and makes the proposal for the marriage. But nowdays, the bride's party takes the initiative and makes the proposal for the marriage.

As in initiation, so in negotiations, elderly ladies, mutual friends and close relatives play prominent role. Apart from them, a unique personality known as Mushatta was accustomed to play a great role in the marriage negotiations. A Mushatta is a working woman visiting well-to-do families to help young girls to complete their toilet, etc. Because of their close associations and unchallenged access to different families and mixing with them, they used to gain close and deep knowledge of the status of the different families, the character of the individuals and their behaviour.

COSTUMES
The wedding dress for the girl includes a Sharara, which is a long following skirt and blouse. There is a dupatta to cover the head. The groom wears a Sherwani or a traditional salwar and kurta. But there are no hard and fast rules here.

RITUALS
Rituals Before Marriage
Istikhara and Imam-Zamin
Muslims complete the negotiation process with the ceremony of Istikhara. In this, it is customary to take the consent of God for concluding the negotiation matter. Here, the Mujtahid (Religious Head) obtains the consent of God with the help of a Tasbih (Rosary) and when the Istikhara is wajib (super affirmative), it is considered that the marriage between the parties should be finally settled. The mother of the boy or some other close woman relative (if the mother is dead), accompanied by her female friends and relations , pays a visit to the house of the girl with sweets and Imam Zamin to see the girl immediately after Istikhara.

The guardians of the girl accept the sweets and entertain them with refreshments. In most cases the girl is adorned and the women of the boy's family see the girl's face for the first time and the mother of the boy ties the Imam Zamin round the upper portion of he bride's right arm ( a silver or gold coin wrapped in a silken cloth). This ceremony is called the Imam Zamin ceremony.

Mangni (Betrothal)
Mangni is a popular marriage ceremony, which is fast making its presence felt at all Indian marriages. In this ceremony, the female members of the boy's family visit the house of the girl, taking with them sweets, fruits and vegetables. The sweets are distributed among the relatives and friends of the girl's family. In return sweets, fruits and vegetables are sent to the boy's house and there also sweets are distributed among the relatives and friends of the boy's family. Exchanging rings between the groom and the bride does also take place.